What's stopping me from approaching that cute girl at the store or inviting that girl on tinder for wine is because of the fear of not giving her a good sexual experience. However, I had an epiphany moment today. All the podcasts, articles, and tutorials about sex came crashing down in my mind and I'm finally breaking out of my limiting belief on sex. When I think about it, the anxiety about the "performance" is just in my mind causing me to have weak erections or erectile dysfunction. All the erectile problems are all mental that I have to learn to breakthough. I'm writing this is to help me rationalize that I don't have to "perform" like a pornstar in bed. Also for the guys who are having similar problems in or out of the bedroom. Being aware is the first step. Most guys aren't even aware that they're bad in bed or their ego is blocking them from admitting it. The fact that you're wanting to improve your sex game/cold approach/textgame makes you stand out from other guys. 1) Being present From what I've heard/read is that women want a present man, they want a man who doesn't fidget around and can lead (even if he's unsure.) With sex, don't think of an outcome, don't think about "how can I make her orgasm?" "What should I say?" "Should I use this thing I saw in porn?" When you start to get into your head you start to become anxious and you may become flaccid or cum too quickly. This also effects the women you're with, since you're too focus on the result or outcome she will feel pressured to relax and orgasm. Ironically this will have her close up and she'll fake it or just want to stop. -One way to ground yourself is to just breathe and get into your body. Do this as you read this NOW. Really think about your feet and hands, feel the sensations in your limbs and be mindful. A trick you can use is think about is how gravity effects your body. Feel your butt in your chair, feel the weight of your shoulders, feel your feet on the ground. When you start to do this you become less tense and more loose. 2) You're more than just your cock and balls You don't have to use your penis to make a girl cum. Remember you have your hands, mouth, and toys. Don't be ashamed for using them, they're all an extention of yourself. You can give her a nice booty massage. You can eat her out for YOUR pleasure. Use your/her toys and really tease her and build it up. She'll just be happy and horny that you're paying this much attention to her. 3) Foreplay This is a must! Build up the arousal in her. Really start to notice how she feels. Feel the softness and warmth of her skin. Notice how she smells and how she tastes. When you take off her clothes, do it in a sloooooow and in a sexy way (make it seems as if it took you hours to get her naked) Make her BEG for it and put her in an submissive frame. One thing you can do is keep your pants on, as a reminder to not break frame and just penetrate her. When she's begging for your cock, talk to her as if she's a little girl. Tell her to "Be Patient." Have her do things for you like to get a condom, have her take off YOUR clothes, tell her to get on her knees and wait. Remember to move her around, grab her by ankles/wrist and have your way. From my understanding this is also a form of dominance, yes she'll like to be pinned and ravaged, but really build it and baby step it. Later on you can carry her off like a caveman. 4) My mindset on "Rough Sex" When I was younger I thought it was "strange" that girls wanted to be slapped, chocked, pinned and fucked hard. But you have to accept that this is also what women want. This is a very primal feeling and EVERY women has some form of freak in them. Just be aware of this and it's just a fact of life. Just like how the grass is green and the sky is blue, women liked to be taken. This is a neutral thing, DON'T judge her for this! You just have to bring it out of her in some form. One thing that I'm doing now is quitting porn. Porn erodes your brain slowly and makes you feel anxious. It gives you a false perception on how sex is suppose to be. It also dimineshes your drive to have sex with real women. It also can lead to problems likes premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction, where you're conditioned to get it up to porn but with a real women you can't get it up. REMEMBER this is a mental barrier and there is light at the end of the tunnel. It just takes time to train your body and mind. The first step is stop watching porn and masturbate using your imagination. Really feel yourself and try to last longer everytime. Again, this is my mindsets that I'm trying to impliment. I'm still getting through and telling MYSELF that I have the potential on giving a good sexual experience. So when I do see that girl shopping around or when I get matched with the girl online I won't be afraid to pull the trigger. I'm curious on what Alex, Nitin and the other guys has to say about this. What are ways/mindsets that you have to being sexually confident?