Holy fuck! First off, do you mean to say that out of a 100 matches, you get 30-40 dates? because that would be extremelyX3 impressive match to date ratio.

In terms of the dates not leading to dates, it sounds like you already know what the issue is. Knowing is the first step, and I believe you know what the correct course of action is, it just sounds like you are not taking it. Not trying to be a dick, but that's the pain of letting lay after lay slip away not outweigh the temporary discomfort of escalating. I can promise you one thing, the first time is always the hardest. If you take enough action, it will get to a point where escalating is literally a joke, You'll feel maybe half a butterfly and then laugh at it, but the only way to get to that point is by walking through the fire first