Well, it sounds like there is an underlying issue here that even the perfect text won't fix. And that is that the girls aren't "hooked". Probably because youre playing it too safe during the interaction, not being polarizing, and being too nice/friendly. Of course not every number I get leads to a date. In fact it's less than 1 out of 3, I could tell some chicks are attracted but not that attracted however, it's rare that girls give me their number out of niceness. That's bc I leave no doubt about my intentions and come off quite polarizing.

The text you propose sounds quite butthurt to be honest. You gotta keep in mind the girl doesn't "owe you anything". Youre treating her like a close friend or a girlfriend, when in fact it's just a random girl you had a quick interaction with. A much better text would be something like "look if youre not into just lmk and I'll stop trying". It gets the same point across, but is much less needy and butthurt.

Youre very likely needy with the hotter girls, simply because you view them as a scarce resource. You havent banged many and don't have many in your life (no offense meant, most guys are like that). Say you had a dozen of 10's hitting you up every single day, I guarantee your neediness would naturally go away within a matter of days. So this really comes down to just being conscious of your behavior and then banging more hot girls so that your subconscious realizes theyre not that scarce and that there's more then looks that makes a girl "attractive"