Hey Alex, you mentioned in your video “how self improvement can ruin your life (5 traps to avoid)” that the deep inner work is important so that your house of cards is built on a stable foundation. You mentioned self esteem, getting over past traumas, etc. What are some practical practices and exercises I can start doing right now to implement these things in order to make sure I build my self-esteem, get over past traumas and built my foundation on a stable level?
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10 Comments
10 Cmts
2y ago
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17 Posts (+3), 22 Cmts (+1)
17 Posts (+3), 22 Cmts (+1)
I’ve been to two therapists in the past already and they helped me out. I’m done with therapy so tell me other ways in order to heal myself or whatever you want to call it.
The hobbies are for myself, not to impress women, don’t worry I’m not stupid like most people.
I was part of a fraternity, had the time of my life but resigned like 7 months ago due to school work being too much of a load. During these 7 months after I resigned, I was in that shitty friend circle recently which I just got out of because those guys are unmotivated and trash. Now I have to go out and create a new dope social circle.
I live in Brampton, Toronto, Canada. Meetup is pretty garbage in my area. Eventbrite might work I guess, I have all these apps. Idk what fetlife munches is...
Also let me give you some context of what type of guy I am: I love partying. By partying I specifically really enjoy house parties but don’t have that access anymore because I resigned from the frat. So how do I meet people and get invited to house parties every week? Also if these apps you’re mentioning don’t work in my area, how do I find out about events and meet people? And again, I’m going to specifically ask: how do I get a lot of people to invite me to house parties? I don’t have my own place yet because I’m still in school and I’m finishing that up right now.
Also, another thing dude you’re not specific. You say stuff like unlearn this and unlearn that but you’re not being practical... why don’t you tell me what a daily routine of self-improvement looks like for you? And that includes all the things like hobbies, social life, all the things you mentioned. I don’t want to live a “normal life” like people call it. I want an extraordinary life; crazy parties, crazy social circles, crazy lifestyle and I’m willing to work for it. So if you have knowledge on this, I’m hoping you’d be more than glad to share it.
393 Posts (+1.3K), 15K Cmts (+5.3K)
Well, there’s multiple directions to go in. Meditation is always good. Reading self development books and autobiographies of successful people. Getting coaching from whatever field you’re trying to excel in. And of course therapy if you get a really good therapy. I personally did hypnotherapy and it was very helpful.
17 Posts (+3), 22 Cmts (+1)
Thank you Alex I really appreciate it. I also have one more question: the part that bothers me is becoming a self improvement robot. How do you balance out self-improvement with hobbies and interests in a such a way that I excel at them all including the hobbies. Also should you play video games and watch TV or should those things be given up entirely?
11 Posts (+5), 62 Cmts (+18)
Having a "daily self improvement routine" is vague.
When people find something they really want to do with their life, they say they're doing that particular thing. Not that they're on a self-improvement journey. Like if someone wants to play the guitar, they'll say "I'm playing the guitar because I love it" - not "I'm doing this as a self-improvement routine".
It's the same thing with people who say "I want to be an entrepreneur". And you can immediately tell that the person doesn't have a specific sense of direction on what they want to do. Because if they did, they'd say they're pursuing a certain industry or job. They wouldn't just say "I'm gonna be an entreprenuer".
If you're asking about me personally. I do things for my health (i.e. diet, exercise). I do things because I enjoy them (hobbies, time with family/friends, travelling). But I don't do these things just because it's some structured routine I'm supposed to do.
You have to find what it is your passionate about. It just seems like you're trying to check all these self-improvement boxes just because you're supposed to.
And if your goal here is just to get laid a lot. You don't need to do any of this self-improvement nonsense. Just go out and talk to lots of women. (Or if you prefer dating apps, put time/money into having professional quality pictures)
17 Posts (+3), 22 Cmts (+1)
Okay, I see your point bruv. Everyone has different goals.
I’m not just trying to check all the boxes of self-improvement. Quite frankly speaking, a lot of the self improvement habits I find are pretty useful, maybe I wasn’t specific enough so my bad.
But yes women is my priority right now and I know what it’s going to take for that: like you said go out a lot, talk to women and use dating apps with high quality photos.
Things like my physique, money, and fashion are very important to me as well but women is my top priority.
This is getting a little personal but I do have a little bit of OCD which triggers me in making a list of things to get done so I can check the box but I don’t know if that’s the correct approach or not.
I want to continue hitting the gym 5 days a week with my brother, in terms of my financial situation like I said: I’m almost done my degree which means I’ll be getting a job really soon, I’m actually applying right now for jobs so as soon as I get one I’m moving out and getting my own place.
For fashion I know what to do that’s a minor thing. But for women I have to put in the time and effort I realize that.
There’s just one thing I’d like to add: you mentioned I don’t need to do any of the self improvement nonsense, which you’re right I agree. Majority of these self-improvement stuff is all bullshit. But in terms of women, looks do matter to an extent so would you say that other than approaching women I should continue lifting weights, dress well and just groom myself right? Just those 3 things
By the way in terms of genetics, I’m 6 ft tall, I’m Indian with a Canadian accent, and I weigh about 140lb right now. People tell me I’m decent looking. I consider myself a good looking guy. I’m just keeping it 100% real. Brutal honest truth nothing more.