Hey Alex, you mentioned in your video “how self improvement can ruin your life (5 traps to avoid)” that the deep inner work is important so that your house of cards is built on a stable foundation. You mentioned self esteem, getting over past traumas, etc. What are some practical practices and exercises I can start doing right now to implement these things in order to make sure I build my self-esteem, get over past traumas and built my foundation on a stable level?
People overthink this. The solution is just basic common sense stuff:
Have a social life. Make friends. Workout, get in shape. Find some hobbies.
These are not any sort of hacks, exotic tricks or life-altering frameworks. It's not a huge deal. It's just called being a normal human being and living life, and it works.
The issue with the guys that focus their whole life on "self-improvement" is that they focus so much on that, that they don't have anything else to talk about. They go out with a girl for drinks. And at some point he realizes... "Oh shit, I don't really have anything interesting to talk to her about. I haven't gone out anywhere or done anything lately. I don't watch any tv/movies. I don't have friends. All I've been doing is watching these youtubers 24/7".
17 Posts (+3), 22 Cmts (+1)
So how do I create that perfect balance between self-improvement habits and having everything you’re saying?
First of all, I’m already in fantastic shape, I hit the gym 5 days a week with my brother. I just need to eat more to focus on putting on more mass. I began my cold approach journey as I’m becoming serious about that. And I also meditate daily.
I’m the type of person where if I do something I go all in. If I do self-improvement habits I go all out. If I watch tv or play video games I do it for hours and that fucks up my sleep or wastes too much time.
The key is balance. And my question to you is how do I find that balance? How do I make sure I’m doing all the self-improvement habits consistently as well as putting enough time into my hobbies, watching tv/movies like you said, hanging out with friends (QUALITY friends not just any friends. Because lately I’ve been having shitty friends who kept holding me back: all they did was smoke weed, watch tv, eat shit food from outside and just stay in doors... no girls, no success, bunch of broke losers). So quality friends who will push me to do the right things.
Basically my question is: how do I create a schedule where I’m doing all the self-improvement habits consistently while also doing my hobbies, watching tv/movies, hanging with quality friends, etc all consistently?
Also dude, the thing is when it comes to hobbies, you have to be good at them. You can’t just expect to pick a hobbie and just “go with it” just to talk to girls. For instance; one of my hobbies is playing the piano, but girls will only appreciate that if I am GOOD at playing the piano. And recently I haven’t been playing the piano because I just have so much fucking going on in my life and I keep overthinking!
Another thing: I put my phone on grayscale I actually got this from Jack Denmo another YouTuber. He put me on since it helped me to drastically reduce my screen time on my phone... just something I’m mentioning.
I overthink a lot, so yeah I need help in this area bruv.
What are "all these self improvement" habits. You don't need to spend hours every day meditating, writing gratitude lists every morning, taking cold showers, reading self-help books, download these weird apps or whatever the the hell these new-age hippie blogs have been suggesting you do.
You're overcomplicating "self improvement" with all these extraneous steps. You really don't need to do that much. You already exercise and eat well. Now you just need to find a healthy social life, and you're all set.
You don't need to learn anything. You need to UNLEARN things.
You need to UNLEARN whatever beliefs your trauma or bad past experiences have created.
You need to UNLEARN whatever arbitrary nonsense these self-help bloggers have been saying you need to do to feel whole.
You need to UNLEARN this belief that you need to do all this extra shit to be loved and have value.
I agree with finding quality friends over quantity.
You mentioned trauma. Do you have a therapist, or are you able to find one?
On the hobbies and interests: Are you doing them because you really enjoy them? Or just as a way to impress women (I think that's a really weak mindset imo)?
Do you have social events nearby? Meetup, Eventbrite, Fetflife munches, etc. Go to a few every week.
393 Posts (+1.3K), 15K Cmts (+5.3K)
Well, self-esteem can absolutely be improved with external validation. One thing to do is talk to people everyday. Without the intention of picking up/hitting on women. Just casually connect with people. You'll start to realize that they are very receptive to you and because you're social, you can get people to be social with you. You can't mentally convince yourself to start building a foundation. Game obviously helps but you'd need to stick to a very strict routine of consistently talking to women
17 Posts (+3), 22 Cmts (+1)
Gotcha, it seems to me that self-improvement just comes down to a small number of things: doing the habits listed in the 1st tier, focusing on my career, having interests and hobbies, and I guess it IS allowed to play video games or watch favourite TV shows after I finish all my tasks and goals I set throughout the day. But mainly it just comes down to going to the gym and taking care of myself and going out and talking to people. All the small things like “jaw exercises” are an arbitrary waste of time lol.