Also unless she's an adult entertainer or gets around a ton, she's probably a bit nervous too. Her nervousness is our superpower, because for women there's a fine line between nervous and excited and we have the ability to cross that gap.
Also unless she's an adult entertainer or gets around a ton, she's probably a bit nervous too. Her nervousness is our superpower, because for women there's a fine line between nervous and excited and we have the ability to cross that gap.
I'm somewhat new to the community also but I was 28 also for my first sexual experience so I'll chime in but try not to project too much of my own stuff onto you. I don't know what you're experience has been but I was abused, made fun of, teased throughout my teens and 20's regarding my lack of sexual experience, which became a major source of shame, and have had to overcome a lot of self-image issues to get where I am today.
First. For me, once the cloths start coming off, that's generally a pretty good sign that a girl is into me and a lot of my anxiety up to that point starts to fade away. She's given you the green-light to go ahead so what is there left to be worried about?! This is supposed to be a fun and exciting experience for you and her.
Second. Although women generally prefer a sexually experienced guy, I think guys tend to make too big a deal out of that when talking to each other. She doesn't know what you're thinking or how you see yourself. Your anxiety is just in your head, nobody else sees you that way. If she's expressed interest in jumping into bed, she probably thinks you're pretty great.
Third. Just be yourself. I know that sounds cliche af, but again, she's chosen to spend the evening with you as opposed to someone else. I don't really like to go through a script when I'm with a chick, but that's just me. If in the moment you decide you want to kiss, go for it. A girl ought to be able to communicate to you if you're overstepping a boundary for her or doing something she doesn't want. Try not to think too much about what if she isn't telling you something, or she wants it a different way but doesn't feel able to tell you.
Fourth. Abundance. There's always going to be options for another girl, maybe someone you're even more in sync with in bed than this girl. Try not to get so caught up in performing well with this girl just because you have to make it work with this one girl.
Fifth. I worked with a life-coach for awhile and they gave me a cool technique to overcome anxiety in the moment. Remember a time in your life when you felt really confident and chill. Maybe when you finished a race, aced a final exam, got the job, etc. Whatever that moment happens to be for you. Remember how you felt physically in your body at that time, not just the mindset of being confident, but how your stomach and arms and chest felt physically. When you're feeling anxious in the moment remember that time when you didn't feel anxious and try to visualize your body feeling like it did back then. Practice this when you're in the shower or at your desk or in line at the grocery store, and try switching from anxious to confident back and forth.
Sixth. If you're having trouble getting it up or maintaining. I had trouble with this at first cause a woman is gonna feel pretty different than my usual evening routine. Try investing in a sex toy for yourself that feels more like a vag than your hand and start training your dick to respond to that instead. That's kind of a long term solution but if you're concerned she'll be disappointed, try going down on her instead. Never met a chick who didn't want to come back for seconds after that, and it's always good to stand out against all the men who want to do their business and aren't thinking about her enjoyment.
Seventh. This is kinda weird but something that really helped me in bed was taking an improv comedy class. There's a mindset it taught me about getting up on stage with zero rehearsal and no script or idea of what my character was supposed to be and just making it up as I go along. The "yes-and" mentality is a good one to have for sex.
You're a king, get out there and crush butt.
Also, FYI the PWF Facebook group tends to be more active than these forums in my experience. There's info about getting into the FB group at the beginning section of the course.
Thanks, I was like 30 lbs heavier a year ago but have been slacking, I needed to hear that.