Hey guys,
For context, I'm a virgin and have fear around messing around and sex. My original goal was to fuck a girl from the club since it feels more anonymous and easier. Had a girl in my bed 3 separate times doing this but couldn't get hard twice and had other issues the third time. But now I'm just doing online dating and trying to lose viriginity that way.
I had a date with a girl almost 2 weeks ago from a dating app. We got drinks and towards the end I asked if she wanted to come to my place and "watch a movie". She said no and some random excuse to why not, but I knew she was attracted to me and is down to fuck at some point. The next morning she texted that she liked me and wants to hang out again. But I'm just scared to hit her up to hang out now. Both because I'm a virgin and also because I'd have to invite her somewhere in the same area we went the first time since I don't have a car.
I just have alot of shit in my head about this. Any tips from someone who's been through similar situation?
Not sure what to do about the second date thing, but was in your shoes as someone who has banged a couple chicks with the not getting hard thing. Assuming it's not an anxiety-based thing or you not being attracted to the chick, you should really just cut out the porn and jacking off if you're doing that -- that will help a lot (it's what helped me).
399 Posts (+1.3K), 16K Cmts (+5.3K)
Damn dude. What exactly are your fears.. like, who cares if you have to hang with her in the same area.
The advice most therapists, along with me, would give -- is to practice pushing past your fears. It's called progressive desensitization .. they do it with people who have phobias and it works. Unless you want to start fucking around with meds, which I dont recommend, this is your option. You can either let your fears control you or you can learn how to control them.. The good news is if you start pushing past your fears they go away eventualli.
Also, just take cialis or viagra beforehand. This way you have no issue getting hard
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yeah man thats the only way is to just keep at it. My goal is at least one new first date every week (with second dates etc in there too). I've had 5 first dates so far this semester and definitely feel more competent and calm now compared the first one, where I thought I was gonna die on my walk there lol. Just gotta figure out this second date shit and have sex, and I know after that its gonna be butter.
My issue is right now I just don't know what to do on the second date. Idk what people usually do in terms of location and what not. My go to first date is drinks or coffee but what after that. Sounds retarded but I don't know how people are supposed to hang out? And about the same area issue, I'm just embarrassed that I dont have a car and it's hard for me to admit it - so I've been trying to lie about it to girls.
And about the ed, I've gotten a half chub several times now when the girl was touching me or just close to me on first date or in clubs, but I still have that fear that I won't get hard when its time to have sex. And also an insecurity about my dick plays into that. Both those combined make this difficult. I'll have to think about whether to get viagra again. I'm not sure about how effective it is for me since I'm healthy, young, and have good blood flow. And the times I did try, I didn't feel like it just gave me an uncontrollable errection.
399 Posts (+1.3K), 16K Cmts (+5.3K)
yeah most of your issues are actually very simple to resolve, the second date should be just her coming over to your place for drinks or you cooking for her or worst case sceniero a bar near by, it doesn't matter if its the same area. If viagra didnt work for you, try cialias. and also consider taking a clonapin or zanax it will help with the anxiety. Once you get the first one out of the way you prob won't need it but yeah like i said all these issue can be easily solved. Also don't watch porn nor masterbate.