Is this salvageable?
So this chick was supposed to come over for a wine date tonight but once I sent her my address she got queasy for whatever reason. She told me my place was too far even though she lived only 6 miles away, which is absolutely nothing in my city. I feel like there might be an underlying concern but I'm not sure what it is. Here's our conversation:
(Wednesday)
Her: Hey are we still good for tomorrow?
Me: We are 👌 is 8PM good?
Her: Yeah I suppose it's fine
Me: Alright great
(Thursday)
Me: My address is (sent her my address) shoot me a message once you're in the lobby
Her: Is this somewhere in (the part of city I live in)? 🙈😅
Me: Yeah it is
Her: That's pretty far
Me: Lmk if you want to cancel
Her: Yeah 40 minutes with public transportation is too much for me, I probably couldn't even make it home tonight 😬 sorry we didn't talk about this earlier 🙈
Me: Where do you live?
Her: In (part of city)
Me: Okay well I can come pick you up
Her: Hmmh nah I don't want to bother you 🙈 I mean if you'd drive all the way here you should just stay over but that would require me to cleanup first so we're just gonna have to skip this date
Me: Well that's unfortunate since I can't reschedule for any other day this week
The "Lmk if you want to cancel" was definitely a high-risk move but with all the investment she had given me before I didn't think she'd actually bite. She hasn't answered anything to my last message. Any suggestions on how to re-engage her?
74 Posts (+15), 177 Cmts (+53)
''Lmk if you want to cancel''
Is the reason, it sounds like you are unsure about yourself, i bet your previous convo was more exciting and sexual.
The concern is that you a probably not worth it for her for whatever reason to walk or drive 40 mins. (Build more rapport)
I would have said something like: I am actually right around the corner, was just hanging with some friends, so i can take you with me. (and see how she would have responded) instead of ''Okay well I'll come pick you up then'' which just put you into the ''buyer'' frame even more.
15 Posts (+3), 479 Cmts (+240)
I disagree with the last part.
Even Alex has picked up girls in his car.
Once the date and logistics has been determined, picking up a girl or Ubering her over is fine. As long as you’re not too understanding and trying to accommodate every need (being a nice guy, Alex’s latest uploaded) throughout the interaction. But if you laid out solid text game and now you’re about to meet, it’s appropriate.
393 Posts (+1.3K), 15K Cmts (+5.3K)
Yeah. This is poor logistics handling on your part. You didn't figure the distance out until the day of? That increases the likelihood of the flake massively.
The distance here shouldn't have been a problem. Her tinder said she was 6 miles away the entire time which has never been a problem for anyone else. If her tinder would have said some distance much further away then I would have definitely asked about it beforehand
0 Posts (+0), 315 Cmts (-3.3K)
I would say. “ I’d still like to get together though, what’s your schedule like next week”
15 Posts (+3), 479 Cmts (+240)
I don’t see an underlying concern. However, if you try to reschedule and she won’t... then something is maybe up.
Either make it clear it’s no issue for you to pick her up or call her on an Uber
or
tell her you’ll come over to her place another day
57 Posts (+12), 282 Cmts (+81)
Are you suggesting I re-engage her by saying it's no issue for me to pick her up?
15 Posts (+3), 479 Cmts (+240)
Possibly. Worth a shot. As long as you do it in a non-needy way and don’t push too much if she still decides to cancel. Just brush it off and then re-engage at a later day and try to go for another date.
Something like “hey, it’s no bother at all. I’d like us to see each other tonight. Shoot me your address and I’ll pick you up once your dressed”
Obviously change that to your liking.