I fucked up, persisted too much for sex on date. Need advice
Met girl on hinge, near exact my type, she has a thing for redheads, ok this is gonna be a layup. We vibe over text, lots of investment from both sides. We setup date for last night after like 5 days of talking on hinge. She asks a favor if I can come pick her up (she's 18, in like first week of college, lives in dorms no car, usually goes for much older guys). I say something like "yeah for sure, but ofcourse.. it'll cost you". Probably shouldn't have said that in retrospect, but she replies "what's the price hun" and I say "guess we might have to find out" and she says something that she's not tryna get freaky on the first date so I say "Freaky? Get your mind outta the gutter girl".
That's the context. We have our date, nice romantic on beach at night drinking wine for an hour, then go to chill in car with some music, start making out and rubbing her pussy from outside her pants. She's totally into it, moaning hot. I end it relatively quickly to not lose any sexual tension from making out too long.
I say let's go, we go back to mine. Put on some random show, watch & cuddle & chat for 5-10 mins. Start making out again, I escalate, start rubbing her body, then her pussy from outside. Then fingering her, she loves it. I think to myself "OK this is definitely going down", and unzip her pants, start pulling off both her pants and panties at same time.
This is first point where she shows resistance. She doesn't want her panties off. I persist a bit to gauge whether she's being serious or just playing hard to get. She's definitely being serious. Ok I ask what's up. She doesn't want to fuck or have me see her pussy because she didn't shave and didn't mentally prepare for a day before having sex and is a bit drunk. I say I don't care if she didn't shave it doesn't matter to me and I try to resolve her other concerns. To no avail.
I pull back for a minute and persist again, same answer. Except this time her legs are literally shaking. I get weirded tf out like she's either cold or terrified. We switch to grinding with her underwear and me naked lmao. She says she has to leave soon, ok. I say "Wanna go down on me", she does, it's nice. Then we dress and leave. In the car ride I try to address what was going on with the shaking, she jokingly said she thought she "might have been joining the me too movement tonight". I'm like wtff no I would never do anything like that ever. This was my first experience getting this much LMR and I persisted way too much. Usually a little persistence works, but I fucked up.
We get to her dorm and chat for few minutes, make out a bit, say we will hangout again on Tuesday. She says "I hope you aren't too disappointed". I say no worries but we can try again Tuesday, she's says yup ok. She leaves and I text her which you can see in the screenshot. She unmatched me very early this morning, before like 6 am and ghosted me. Fuck me. Hottest girl gone on date with. Keep in mind I'm sharing the bad details here but we still vibed after the shaking shit and she went down on me so like she was still into it. Whole night was a good vibe until that 1-2 minutes where I persisted too much. Even after was good vibe so the fact she woke up this morning and ghosted hurts actually.
She was also texting her roommate the whole night to give updates since her roommate is like protective or something. That's cool, smart. Maybe her roommate convinced her to ghost me?
Not sure if she has past trauma. She is from NYC and said it's common there so maybe she's paranoid about it. I don't blame her, I know I persisted too much (even took condom out of box, not wrapper, to see her reaction, she wasn't into it)
Any advice? Maybe wait a couple days and text her from another number?
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4 Posts (+5), 111 Cmts (+49)
Hey Bill, hopefully I'm not too late to chime in.
She's 18, first week of college, no car, willing to meet up and is very sexual but gets extremely nervous right when it comes down to sex... this girl is 1000% a virgin. She probably grew up in a stricter household and is going boy crazy for her freshman year. She gave you all the signs that she was into you and probably wanted to have sex, but losing your virginity is a scary thing that can trump all of those things.
I would not text her from another number. I would just live and learn from this one, especially with the whole "Me Too Movement" joke she made. She's young and unsure, so you don't want to do anything that would push her in the direction of joining the Me Too Movement. Texting her from a different number after being blocked already AND pushing her sexually could bring up a sexual harassment charge.
I also don't think you're a bad guy, just had a close call. In the future when dealing with virgins, its best to recognize the signs early and then call it out LIGHTLY. Then address it like you would any other concern. Best of luck š¤
44 Posts (+21), 550 Cmts (+363)
Hmm you may be right about the virgin thing. Or she's not a virgin just had very limited and bad sexual experiences thus far. I think the text I wrote earlier in this thread is exactly how it could be done without negative represcussions if he REALLY likes this chick. I agree with you that it would be better for his overall fuckin growth as a man to let her go and do better next time
Thanks man, I would have also thought so, but we talked about sex and her past experiences and she said she lost it at like 15. Of course, she could have not been telling the truth. True though, I will def keep this is mind and not take what she says at face value. In the future I'll bring up if the girl is a virgin to see if that hits. But definitely will tone back the persistence a bit on first dates and with younger girls.
Yeah not sure yet if I'll text her from another number, it would be weird and I definitely don't want to include any words or assumptions that I did something.
Thanks for the advice
393 Posts (+1.3K), 15K Cmts (+5.3K)
You reached the point of no return. And why would you freak out that her legs are shaking man? She's doing that out of pleasure. Maybe you're not used to girls doing that. So, I would really focus on eating a girl out the right way. Also, I think you should have persisted a bit more. When she gave resistance, you took too much of a step back
Nah usually I agree with you man but her legs were shaking from fear. She confirmed it in the car. I mean she said that thing about the "me too" movement. She gave me resistance multiple times and I persisted each time because of the point of no return, but it was too much. I think she just wasn't down for sex on the first date, as she's never done that before. Also she wouldn't block me the morning after just from point of no return right?
44 Posts (+21), 550 Cmts (+363)
Yeah, ouch. Here are a few takeaways to learn from this (do NOT text her from another number btw):
-the shaved thing is nothing. The I'm too drunk comment - cease & desist right then and there. You could follow up once "do you really feel like you're too drunk to change your mind or something?" is a good way to phrase - but if the answer is still yes, end the night right there, period.
-some girls that age are terrified of pregnancy. That may have been why her legs were shaking, but in any event when you saw that it was no longer a win/win to continue. But you did continue grinding, mistake. Then she goes down on you bc she's probably a people pleaser and didn't want to disappoint. "Only if you want to" is a phrase you should add to your repertoire whenever it comes to sexual escalation.
-when she said she hoped she didn't disappoint as you said goodbye, especially after the me too comment- there was one last chance she gave you to be like "not at all, I was super worked up and horny but i never want to do anything you dont want, only when and if you're ready..." But you messed up there too by not doing this and addressing legit concerns she had
-het friend prob told her to ghost you, yes exactly, based on the information that would've been relayed to her.
Bro this is NOT to shame you, you don't seem like a bad guy - but you need to work on your intent, making it win/win, and communicate much better. Sorry man! I hope this helps.
12 Posts (+7), 36 Cmts (+8)
Thanks man, solid advice. I'm still low body count and this is first time experiencing this so yeah much to learn. Sucks because she was an 8 or 9. You're right, I should have shown much more empathy and being ok with her not wanting sex. We talked about pregnancy before since I'm paranoid of that but she said she would abort.. but she seemed more concerned about std but only for a second. She said she needs a day to mentally prepare for sex, she said if we had had sex she probably would've cried. Definitely new to me. Guessing 18 year old girls are much more likely to behave like this than girls in their twenties which is my experience so far. She has never had sex on the first date either. Once she gets through a year or two of college I'm sure she'll be more relaxed.
I definitely do make the mistake of vibing too much with the girl and thinking that her tone and mood is her honest feelings. I need to realize that we're both caught up in the moment and she probably is putting on a bit of a front. Like you said, she was hoping for me to say I would never do anything she doesn't want.
Is there nothing I can do to try to repair it or a hail mary? At the very least I'm going to wait a few days to see if she unblocks or anything, but it wouldn't hurt to at least try texting fron another number right? I remember Alex had a video on doing that I think
44 Posts (+21), 550 Cmts (+363)
Welcome man. Also, looking at the screenshot - your 11:23 text was very bad. She already said she had fun, then the 11:23 text screams insecurity & fear that you did something wrong. Unforced error, learn from that too.
If Alex does that, then ok. It is not something I would do. In this particular case if you were to do that, HEAVY on the empathy and maybe go a little overboard on how much you like her, ask for another chance, cop to your mistakes....stuff that's usually not powerful at all, but in this case theres damage that would have to get repaired.