It’s been almost exactly a year since this happened, but it was so hilarious that I thought I’d share this insane Hinge interaction.

So to set the scene, it’s the Monday after Thanksgiving, and these following events took place over the course of just three hours. We’d been talking for about a week now, pretty innocent conversation. It’s around 2:00 and the subject of exercise comes up. Out of the blue, she asks if I ever get aroused or even if I’ve orgasmed during a workout. Very unexpected, and obviously no, I don’t orgasm while working out. We chat a bit about that, she says it happens to her most during cardio, and I comment that I’m always way too exhausted during cardio to be aroused. See first two pictures for context of how that goes.

This was a rapid-fire conversation where we were both responding within a minute or two, when after her message in the second picture, she just went silent. 30 minutes later, she responds again, apologizing for the delay but she had to go “take care of herself” because of how hot the conversation was making her. She then proceeds to tell me exactly how she “took care of herself”, (see third picture). She then laments about how unfortunate it is that she can’t send pictures on Hinge, so I asked for her number. First thing she sends me on there is a video of her playing with her boobs, (first nude I’d ever received). After that, the conversation went rather abruptly back to how it had been going for the last few days, (that is not super sexual out of nowhere), and at around 4:00 at this point I try setting up a date at my place, which she agrees to. Now here is where the story makes a complete 180° turn. Unfortunately she was sticking almost exclusively to voice notes at this point, so I wasn’t able to screenshot them.

After agreeing to the date, she casually mentions that she’s practicing celibacy. For obvious reasons I think she’s joking and ask her to elaborate. She then sends two 5-minute-long voice notes about how she’s a devout “follower of Christ”, and how people who call themselves Christians aren’t really followers of God, but that they just are trying to look cool, (never heard of someone pretending to be Christian in order to be cool, but whatever), and that sex is something that should only ever be done between husband and wife, and only ever for the sake of reproduction, not pleasure. She goes on and on about this sort of crap for a while. Then mentions that she knows that’s a lot of information to deal with, and if I want an out, she totally understands.

I immediately jump at that opportunity, (politely), and she gets super pissed off, going on about how I’m so superficial, men are only interested in sex and you can never find a decent guy on dating apps, bla bla bla. I just told her she should probably mention the celibacy thing on her dating profile, then blocked her, and that was the end of that.