Feeling frustrated as I can't get any second dates, any advice?
3 Posts (+0), 14 Cmts (+2)
I've been on dating apps on and off for a year and have gone on around a few dozen first dates after improving my text game. Forget about getting them home, I can't even get past the first date as most just don't reply or just ghost/unmatch after the date and the ones who do, mention that there wasn't any spark/ we weren't compatible. I'm completely frustrated on what is causing this issue as there is no feedback whatsoever apart from knowing I fucked up somewhere.
Self assessment:
-
Conversation/flirting:
First off, I think I am a terrible flirt irl, my convos feel pretty boring even if I ask them exciting and different questions based off of advice here and in general. I also have a bad sense of humor and cannot make any sexual jokes even if I try hard. It is the complete opposite of what I come off while doing text game. In fact, I STILL don't even know how to flirt/what flirting is nor seem to learn it from all these dates. -
Physical escalation:
Advice online tells me I need to sexualize the convo and physically escalate to touching her but the girls just seem to be hesitant to answer or ask a question in return after sexualizing and or just straight up reject my advances of touch physically. I can get in a couple of shoulder taps and hand touching by using her bracelet/nails/tattoos as an excuse but have zero idea on how to go beyond that, especially if we're sitting at a bar table side to side....it also feels super awkward to put my arm around the girl's shoulder/waist or brush her hair since i got rejected for doing that on multiple dates. -
Kissing:
I try to go for a kiss at the end while leaving sometimes but the girl either puts her face away thinking of it as a harmless hug or just gets super surprised when I just go for it instead. Sometimes I just don't feel like kissing since I know the date didn't end well as the girl just uses an excuse to cut the date short quickly. In fact, all of my dates never last for more than an hour and half. -
Venues:
I've tried to switch things up and try different venues: Coffee shops, bars, dance clubs, walk in the parks, arcades, bowling and restaurants but none seem to work.
Kind of feeling down after so many rejections (got rejected again just now on today's date with the typical excuse of 'we aren't compatible' while typing this lol) and have zero idea on where to focus or how to improve my perceived and other possible shortcomings.
Any advice? @avilench If you offer mentorship for in-person dating or know anyone who does it here locally please lmk, thanks in advance
-PHX Arizona Local
first off, how many dates have you actually been on and how many closes?
for me closing is more likely to lead to 2nd date
So main thing for me is figure out why arent you closing
3 Posts (+0), 14 Cmts (+2)
I’ve been on around 25 first dates, none of them leading to a second one. What do you mean by closing? Getting laid by the first date?
yes close means laid.
But actually it might be the AI photos you mentioned? idk if you use or heavy edit your photos but if girl has huge expectations and get let down, that could be it.
Have you done any night game? those can be pretty easy to get experience with physicality and closing
0 Posts (+0), 259 Cmts (+153)
Hard to tell without seeing in person but here are my thoughts:
I believe everyone naturally sense of humour. If you have friends, just you guys fucking around and joking with each other naturally develops humour. If you are able to joke around with friends, then you probably are just too stifled on your date for your natural humour to come through. However, if you are really struggling with humour, then you take improv classes or learn by watching comedians. Now, with that being said, humour and sexualising are two different things. You can be sexual/make sexual jokes without actually being funny. The easiest way to make a sexual joke is "That's what she said" for buzz words such as long, hard, wet etc. or to link/describe certain situations as something sexual e.g. something vibrating, some creamy food/drink in her mouth, if she plays sports then balls etc. Now, as for flirting, the bread and butter of flirting is being able to tease a girl/give her a bit of shit. If you have a younger sibling, think of it as you light-heartedly poking fun at them. Or like when you give your friends shit, you need to do that with a girl too in a playful, calibrated way.
Please don't brush a girl's hair on a first date lol. This is pretty cringe and will put the girl off. It's a super intimate move and is just too much. Alex teaches this but there are other ways to build sexual tension/physically escalate besides this. You can put arm around a girl but that's only when you guys are already comfortable with each other and you shouldn't doing this for the sake of being physical. In reality, you don't need to be super physical on a date, if at all. A few touches on her arm and on her leg throughout a date is more than enough. Mostly, you will want to be creating this man to woman frame through your subcomms- focus on eye contact and being close to her.
Before going for the kiss, try to test her compliance. When you guys are leaving the venue, grab and hold her hand and interlock fingers. If she's holds your hand back, then you can go for the kiss. If she holds your hand loosely or lets go, then you know you're not there yet. This will depend on the vibe and the girl too. Otherwise, you can just go in a hug when leaving, and if the girl wants to kiss, you will know because you guys will hug and then after the hug, she will pull back out but keep her face close to yours. If somehow you go for a kiss, but the girl brushes it off, just laugh it off and continue as if nothing happened.
Keep your dates to coffee shops, bars for now and focus on flirting & having fun. You're getting that excuse because as you've correctly identified, your conversations are too boring. You need to learn to joke and tease more. Also, try to relax and if you are nervous, at least don't show the girl that you are e.g. fidgeting, unable to hold eye contact otherwise the girl will feel awkward and nervous too.
Bottom line, the quickest way you'll learn is by actually watching infield of a date and mimicking their actions and behaviours.
3 Posts (+0), 14 Cmts (+2)
Thanks for your tips. What’s a good source for these dating infields?