Advice on what went wrong?
So this is a chick I matched with on bumble. We chatted for a while and then I soft closed her. Everything seemed to be fine until the day of the date. I noticed she was giving me these one word answers but I wasn't sure whether there was an issue so I didn't bring it up. She then of course ended up flaking on me with a pretty bad excuse. This is the conversation beginning from the wine close:
(Thursday)
Me: You drink wine?
Her: Yes
Me: Perfect let's split this bottle of pinot grigio I have sometime soon
Her: Sounds good
Me: Do you have plans for this weekend?
Her: Yeah I'm going to (city)
Me: Well fuck we'll have to do a rain check for next week then
Her: Next week should be fine
(Sunday)
Me: How did your trip go?
Her: Pretty good I visited some family while I was there
Me: Nice š you'll have to tell me more on our wine date
Her: That sounds nice
Me: Do you have any plans for tomorrow?
Her: Pretty sure I got nothing
Me: Okay š¤ well how about we meetup tomorrow evening then?
Her: Sounds good
(Monday)
Me: Let's meet at 7PM. My address is (my address)
Her: Okay
Me: You planning on driving here?
Her: No
Me: Alright š
(7.20PM)
Me: What's your ETA?
(8.50PM)
Me: (sent her a screenshot of her bumble profile where it says she is always going to be honest and speak frankly about everything)
Me: So about speaking frankly...
Her: I didn't get any notifications from bumble and I accidentally fell asleep for a bit too long š
Me: You woke up pretty conveniently immediately after I sent that
Her: I already woke up at 8.30PM but you don't have to believe me š
Me: It doesn't really matter whether you're telling the truth or not because the bigger issue is you don't seem to respect my time
She stopped responding after that but honestly I wasn't really interested in meeting up with this chick after she sent her "excuse" so I'm not looking to salvage this anymore. I'm just interested in whether I fucked up here at some point? The only thing I can think of is maybe I should have soft closed her again since we didn't speak for a couple of days...?
Was that the whole conversation you had?
Feels like way too much about logistics only without any banter and comfort building. I can see why she was so lowly invested and just didn't bother. And then you got butt hurt about it.
Nah man she opened me with how my day was and we chatted about that for a couple messages and then I soft closed her. Do you have any concrete examples of how I could have built more comfort? and also are you saying I should not have called her out when she was clearly giving an excuse?
393 Posts (+1.3K), 15K Cmts (+5.3K)
Honestly, your reaction was way too disproportionate man. I would have actually gone for the number once she confirmed and then moved it forward. You came across butthurt here. I would just re-engage with "If you're too nervous, I'd understand" in 2 days or so
I'd have to disagree with being disproportionate. If someone has a complete lack of respect for my time I'm not really interested in meeting up with them. That lack of respect often translates into other bad things as well. I'm just trying to understand what I could have done better before the flake.
39 Posts (+8), 697 Cmts (+226)
Yeah, I will open day of the date with something simple: "Hey there sexy" and then exchange some simple "how's your day" type messages, then I go for the confirmation so I can assess the level of interest/assure that the date is happening: "Did you pick out something cute to wear for me tonight? ;)" I don't jump right into the confirmation, and I keep things casual, trying to give space in case there are objections. I also don't ever close straight to the house. I think it does more harm than good, and my flake rates are much higher
57 Posts (+12), 282 Cmts (+81)
Yeah I get what you're saying, the only reason I went for the confirmation straight away was because she sent her previous message like 12 hours earlier so it was almost like I was just continuing the conversation.
So does asking "how's your day" actually decrease your flake rate?
39 Posts (+8), 697 Cmts (+226)
I think comfort building in general does. I think going for the confirmation straight away subconsciously says that you're used to getting flaked on, and it feels too logical and staight forward. I would imagine that the difference is a bit minimal, but if she's on the fence, it's good to get her into a positive emotional frame before confirming. It's just my approach though. Test it out for yourself