How do I change her/improve our sex life/etc? Everything is great except one thing... You set the tone for the entire relationship in the first few hours. If you meet her and show her a good time and be nice and all of that crap, but you're faking it, a couple months later when you've dropped the fake front the relationship will fall apart. She expected you to be the guy she met, turns out you were someone else. So be real, be yourself, and don't do things on a first date that you wouldn't do 2 years into the relationship. Same goes for her. After you date a bunch of people your bullshit detector will become more calibrated, and you'll be able to tell when she's putting up a front to impress you. There's nothing wrong with putting up a front, as long as you or she are willing to maintain it throughout the entire relationship. As an example, there's a girl I'm seeing right now, and every time she's at my house, when she goes to the bathroom, she'll go to the farthest bathroom from wherever I am and run the water in the sink while she pees. I asked her to quit it. I was married for more than a decade, and I do happen to pee occasionally myself, so hearing a woman pee doesn't offend me in any way. I'd prefer she be comfortable and drop the front. I know women pee, fart, shit, and do all kinds of other disgusting stuff, and while I don't particularly want to see her doing any of that stuff, I'm not going to be offended if I accidentally overhear something. She said she'd prefer not to, and I gave her the whole thing about "hypothetically, would you still do that a year, or two, or ten, from now?", and she said she would. Fine, if she's willing to maintain the front that she doesn't do anything disgusting, I'm happy to have a girl who never does anything disgusting in front of me. But if/when she drops it, I'm gonna call her on it. Count on it. She's setting my expectations now, and I'll hold her to them. That also means you set the tone for the sex in the relationship. If you start out a meat and potatos man, wait a month to fuck her, and then progress to straight missionary every other week or whatever, that's what you can expect for the rest of the relationship. However, if you nail her ass to the wall that first night, and blow her mind, and allow her to be sexually open with you without being judgemental or whatever, and set the tone of escalating sexuality, she will follow your lead and continue to escalate for the rest of the relationship. It is imperative to your happiness that she come away from that first time thinking she just had a religious experience. Lay the pipe right the first time and she'll overlook your faults, excuse your behavior, and tolerate nearly anything. But what she won't do is escalate later if you cheeze out on her the first time. In fact, she may never want to see you again. It is your responsibility to set the tone, and it is your responsibility to make sure you maintain it. Guys, if you're complaining that you're in a relationship with a girl for 6 months and she still isn't giving you head, tough shit. That's an uphill battle. If you didn't get head the first or second time you had sex, and you didn't mention anything to her before the third time, you did it to yourself. You set the precedent that she doesn't need to give you head, and she will stick to it. There's a dumb phrase that I heard a lot in music growing up, and that is: Practice doesn't make perfect, practice makes permanent. The point is that the things you do repeatedly become ingrained habit. Practicing an instrument with poor form will cause you to play with poor form. "Practicing" in a relationship with poor form will give you poor form in a relationship. Another way to say it that might be more understandable around these parts is: losing your frame in a relationship, even only for certain aspects of the relationship, gives in to her frame for that aspect of the relationship. If she's not really into head, or if she's had bad experiences in the past, or whatever, and you aren't in control enough to get her to give you the chance to make it a good experience, it's your own fault that you don't get head. Period. Get over it. Accept the fact that head will always be, at best, a "special occasion" thing in this relationship, and let it go. Now, none of this is to say that change isn't possible. But it requires serious effort, tight game, and a willingness to walk away if she isn't willing to make the changes you want. Plus, you have to be willing to make whatever changes she wants in exchange. Any good LTR is a series of compromises. It is your job to make sure that the compromises you make and expect her to make are ones that you can live with. This girl is too nice to do the crazy stuff I want to do in bed... No she isn't. The primmest, most uptight, conservative woman in the world will say the nastiest shit in bed you've ever heard. She'll shit on your chest if you tell her to. I know, she looks like a nice girl, you met her at church, she's quiet and reserved, and really nice to everyone, she would never want to do nasty things in the bedroom, right? You know what she really wants? You won't like it, but I'm gonna tell you anyway. She wants you to carry her in your house, throw her on the bed, hold her hands behind her head, and put your cock in her mouth. She wants you to call her a dirty slut while you fuck her in the ass. She wants you to do anything and everything you can think of in the privacy of the bedroom, the nastier the better, and then be sweet and treat her like a lady in front of her friends. Of course she'll tell them all about the nasty things you do to her, and they'll be silently wishing a man would do those things to them and then be totally cool and quiet about it in public, instead of doing like their boyfriends do and telling the whole world about their nasty exploits and then being an asshole to them in public. Which is exactly why their boyfriends don't get anal or oral, because they don't want them telling the world about it. They just don't feel comfortable and safe doing those things with them, out of fear of being exposed as a slut. Get it? Women love and want sex, not just as much, but more than men do. They have the very same biological imperative that you do that makes them want sex, only ours is on all the time at, let's say a 7 (on scale of 1-10), while a womans is at 5 most of the time, except 4 or 5 days a month when they are on 10. Several days a month they just go crazy for sex, and they will blow your mind with the stuff they are willing to do. They just want you to be non-judgemental about what goes on in the bedroom, and they want you to keep it to yourself when they do all the nasty things they want to do. All you have to do is enable them to be the nasty slut in the bedroom without exposing that side of her to the rest of the world. So remember, every woman is a nasty slut. Every woman wants to be a nasty slut. That means your sister, your mom, your grandmother. They just don't want their brother, their kids, or their grandkids to know about it, so they'll only do it if they know that whoever they are doing it with won't expose them. The nice girl is not too nice, she'll do whatever you enable her to do. When is the game over? How do I win the game? Etc... Never. You don't win. Ever. Honestly, a game is a bad metaphor, because "winning the game" is a non-sequitor in this case (look it up you inarticulate bastards). But don't get disheartened, that doesn't mean you're wasting your time. The game is one of self-improvement, and you should never stop improving yourself. Learning to be a strong man and maintaining your frame isn't a game you can play and win, it is something you have to work at every day for the rest of your life. It does get easier once you figure out how to do it in the first place, but that doesn't mean you can stop putting effort into it. The game is over when you die... maybe. I haven't done that yet, so I can't say for sure. This question comes from the same people who think that they can learn just enough game to hook that one perfect girl and then never think about it again. That's just not how it works. This game is aprocess, and it's a process of change. It never stops. The whole point is to become a man who is always in the process of becomming a better man. When you do that, others will see it in you, and they will respect you for it. And that is having game. Am I as pathetic as I feel? Yes, you are. You are always exactly as pathetic as you feel. If you feel pathetic, then you are pathetic. If you feel like superman, then you are superman. That how this shit works. When you hear people say that you need to be confident, that's what they mean. If you feel pathetic, you aren't confident, are you? If you feel confident, you can hardly think you're pathetic. It's all about your mental state. The upside here is that pickup is a positive feedback loop. What I mean by that is, when you successfully pick up a 6, you feel more confident about yourself for being successful. Now you have the confidence to pick up a 7, which makes you even more confident. Now 8s and 9s are "in your league", because you're confident that you can pick them up, and so on. So if you keep working it, and keep picking up the women you feel you deserve, you should see a steady improvement in both your mental state and the quality of women that you pick up consistently. Your relationships with them should get better and, if it's what you're looking for, longer. The sex should get better and better. It just keeps getting better. The first part is certainly the hardest, but that's just how life is. Accept it and do the work, you'll be glad you did for the rest of your life. What if I don't want to be an arrogant asshole to get women? I'm too nice to get women. Etc. You don't have to be. Let me break it down for you. The number one thing women say they want in a man is confidence. Now, they don't know what they mean any more than you do, but I'll explain it so you can understand it. Confidence is knowing that you are good. Knowing that you can do the things you want to do. Knowing that you have the will and perseverence to accomplish whatever you want to do. Knowing you can show this girl the time of her life, give her more orgasms than she ever has or ever will have in a single hour, make her feel like she has the best guy in the world. Knowing you are good. Arrogance is the overcompensation that comes from unjustified confidence. Someone who is arrogant may brag about their dick size or their exploits or whatever, because they are seeking validation from others. A truly competent man doesn't need to brag. However, arrogance does require confidence, even if it is fake and unjustified. You can't be arrogant without displaying confidence. And confidence is what women like. Since attraction is not a choice, it doesn't matter if the confidence is real or justified, it flips the same switches either way. So some people think that C/F means being an arrogant asshole, and they justify their mistake by the fact that they do actually get results with women by being an arrogant asshole. But ideally, what you want is the confidence without the arrogance. Yes, you can get women by being an asshole. But if you want to get quality women, and you want more than a ONS from them, you need to learn the difference between confidence and arrogance. Incidentally, I walk the line between confidence and arrogance daily, I can't help it, I have Lead Singer Syndrome . This question keeps coming up, and people keep saying "But what if I really am just a sweet, nice guy, how will I ever get women?" I am a sweet, nice guy. I'm so sweet I can hardly stand myself sometimes. I write poetry, bitches! I hold doors and light cigarettes, I buy flowers (rarely, but I do), I compliment women, I say the sweetest things. You'd hate me if you saw me in action. This doesn't contradict any of the method. It's not that you can't be sweet, it's that you have to learn when it is appropriate to be sweet, and when it is appropriate to reign that shit in. Sometimes, telling a girl her smile makes your heart skip a beat is perfectly acceptable (awwww ). But that time is not on day 1 when you just met her. In fact, that's something you should probably reserve until after you've had sex, and after you've decided that you want to keep her around. That way, when she tells her friends that you're "the sweetest guy ever", it's after she's already told them that you fucked her so good she almost crapped the bed in exstacy. Now that's a combination that will make women want you. So be the nice guy. Be the sweet guy. But know when to stop being so sweet and nice, otherwise people will walk on you. And have the confidence to know that there isn't another guy in the zip code who can rock her world like you can. Even if it's not true. Fake it 'till you make it. While it's arrogance, it will still get you laid until you can turn it into real confidence. Think about the things I've said, because every bit of it is not just true, it is Truth with a capital T. ---- Unknown Author..... And, fwiw, I'm Zardiw on the web. z