This went south so fast; need help
I guess she REALLY didn’t like coffee. I would’ve suggested drinks, but she said earlier that she doesn’t drink. Now I have no idea what to do. This came out of nowhere and over such a trivial matter. We’d been chatting for days up until this point, and things had been going great. Is there any way to salvage this, or is she just nutty and this is doomed?
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23 Posts (+5), 71 Cmts (+26)
Firstly, before you read this, know that I'm trying to help, and I too make significant mistakes.
There's a lot to address. Saving this situation will be challenging since you let her steamroll you.
There are errors in your text game. When she asks what plans you have in mind, BE DECISIVE. Take the lead. Suggest, "We should do 'x' at 'y'." Don't waver with options like, "We could eat tacos (OR PIZZA if you'd like), maybe hang out, perhaps watch a movie..." If you're genuinely unsure about her preference, present her with three solid "We should do 'x' at 'y'" choices, and let her pick from those. Generally, just suggest drinks (non-alcoholic if she doesn't drink alcohol) at your place without presenting other choices.
If she tells you a suggestion isn't suitable for a first date, don't attempt to guess her preference. Instead, directly ask, "What exactly are you looking for in a first date?" This prevents you from making incorrect assumptions and derailing the conversation's flow.
The last two messages weren't ideal. Rule 1: Avoid using the laughing crying emoji.
The message "I'm just trying to figure out what you want to do!" makes you seem desperate and willing to compromise too much. The final message makes you appear as an unsure child (No offense).
To try and salvage the situation, I'd send: "Look, we have been talking for a few days now and ending things here would be very anti-climactic. I get that coffee isn't your thing, so why don't you just tell me exactly what you are looking for in a first date and I'll take it from there"
Warning I'm no pro
Good luck!
Yeah, I realize that in hindsight a lot of what I sent wasn’t ideal, especially that last text. I was able to salvage it by saying something similar. Taking a few hours to think rather than replying within minutes made all the difference in the world. I do appreciate the feedback, especially since I’m very new to text game. Out of curiosity, is using the laughing emoji bad in general, or just in this context? And if it is bad in general, what should I do to convey I’m being lighthearted about something, or is that not necessary at all?
23 Posts (+5), 71 Cmts (+26)
Don't ever use the emoji; you can convey everything with words. Your own message was lighthearted enough on its own.
Personally, there are only two emojis I use:
The "Sly" emoji - Used when you say something that isn't overtly sexual, but you want her to interpret it that way.
The "Angel" emoji - Used when you say something that she will probably take in a sexual context, but you want to downplay that aspect.
31 Posts (+9), 18 Cmts (+2)
So here’s a fun update for this interaction. I was able to salvage it and we planned a date for tonight. Then when I texted her to confirm our date, she went full crazy. She told me she was no longer coming because I hadn’t texted her all day today, (while I was at work). Just to give a full picture, she would go days without texting me, which was fine, but then out of the blue she was super butthurt because I didn’t text her earlier today. I explained that I was at work, then she told me we were done talking because she didn’t see this working out. Well, THAT was a side of her I hadn’t yet seen, and frankly, I think I dodged a bullet on that one.
2 Posts (+0), 101 Cmts (+47)
She sounded like a prude before this update. It's definitely a bullet dodged. good for you getting back in the game anyways.
To answer your question about emojis: only use them if they add something and generally only use them at the end of a message. Don't use them often, and definitely less than her. Go through some LRs to see how Alex and PE use them and you'll get the hang of it.