The Balance Between Chasing and Staying Relevant
3 Posts (+0), 8 Cmts (+3)
So, a couple weeks ago I matched with a particularly cool girl on tinder. Got her over to my place for a movie night, and things went very well. We instantly made a connection and had fun banter throughout the night, followed by an intense make out session, among other things. It's probably important to note that we did not have sex. Follow up texts after the date went smoothly, but due to logistical reasons we have not been able to link up since then. The general vibe of our conversations have been very positive: her sending me memes on insta, commenting on my stories, suggesting that we get together when she's back from vacation, etc.
To preface, in the past I have had a big problem with chasing the girl after the first few meetups, I have certainly gotten better with this issue over the past year, but I still struggle with it.
I haven't talked to this girl in four days. Today I had the passing thought, am I going too far over to the other side of the spectrum in an effort to not come off as chasing?
My question is, where is the line? The balance between chasing the girl and absence to the point where the girl begins to think you've lost interest, particularly in the early stages. I ask both in regards to the particular situation that I am in, and in the general sense.
I think chasing begins the moment you think you're more likely to not see her than see her, and persist with messaging her. In your head you usually know when this point is. Keep your texts short, keep sliding in that you want a second date(just back from the gym, looking cute for our next date/maybe we should do that for our next date etc), and the rest is up to her.
Alex has a few videos on being persistent without being needy. They're worth watching
You could've given her some incentive and then ask to come to your place, incentive could've been flirting, sexual tension on the day of you asking her to come over. But if you plainly ask her to come over then it's blah. I expected her to respond like this considering there was no sex the first day. You could've gotten sex but you needed to really have her do bad things like instead of intense kissing. I would've kiss her neck, caress her body, carefully watching her reactions to see what turns her on, the fwb I have now, every time I choke her she gets turned on, I slide hand up to neck for two seconds and she gets turned on, I remove hand after two seconds, wait 4 seconds and repeat for two seconds and it turns her on, I can keep repeating the process and it's the same result. I think you could've done this a few times then put your hand between her legs to see how see reacts. You could've placed her in sex positions. Instead it sounds like you were stuck in the kissing position.
393 Posts (+1.3K), 15K Cmts (+5.3K)
Well, it's definitely an art rather than a science. But, at this point you'll have to re-engage and get another date. But this time you have to close