Online dating - date issues / "no romantic connection"
6 Posts (+6), 3 Cmts (+1)
I feel like I am spinning wheels with online dating. I do not have alot of experience and just started researching all this about a year ago. I would not say I have gotten better with women even though I have been reading and researching alot, I would say I am more aware of what to do and the situation I am in. I had recently went on a first date, through text I was trying to flirt and playful and although she was responsive I could tell she was little dull. On the date we met up for 2 drinks on a week day happy hour. I can tell off the bat that the girl was more formal (a career women 26 who lives alone, and likes to live alone she said). I found it very hard to get the conversation to get in anyway playful sexual, although we had great conversations I can tell it was getting to platonic even though in the back of my mine I was trying very hard not to. We parted ways and I texted her next day to let her know I enjoyed the drinks. She said she did not feel a romantic connection. Can somone explain if they have any similar situations and if they can provide insight as to what this means, how would we create a romantic connection in 2 hours when she isn't open to being romantic. We basically matched had a few back and forth texts and met up, so I doubt I came off different from my texts and my photos are pretty up to date. I have had a similar instance about 1 month ago and honestly felt like the same situation and same type of women (career women/non playful/flirty)
I am starting to get more experience and could tell through the texts pre date that her interest was enough to go on a date but not excited and on the date I could feel the same vibe.
0 Posts (+0), 101 Cmts (+59)
I agree with Chris and Jake's sentiments here, but allow me to put in my two cents... I'd be curious to know what exactly your conversation entailed and the way you carried yourself/body language/tonality. A lot of romantic connection and intimacy arise from getting down to a deeper level with a woman. At the end of the day, women are emotional beings and they fantasize-- like a lot. You need to use your language and mannerisms in a way that gets her to FEEL THAT attraction. Attraction is a double-edged sword, my friend. She can have initial physical attraction to a man, but she needs to feel that emotional connection/chemistry. This is what women mean when they say they 'don't feel a romantic connection'/'don't feel the chemistry'. A lot of it has to do with what you said/how you said it. Also, go in to your interactions with the mindset of you're going to have fun and see if you and her are compatible. You're going to self-sabotage if you enter interactions with an expectation or need for a specific outcome. That's the first step. Second step would be coming into your own body, in the moment, and realizing that this isn't life or death. This is an opportunity to meet, attract and seduce (if you want) a beautiful woman that you find interesting. In order to accomplish these goals, you must be very VERY keen on your body language, tonalities, conversational skills, etc.. Focus on the woman. Focus on what she finds interesting and go deeper on that. An example before I end this response: Say you're talking about what you guys do for work. Blah blah blah, she tells you, you respond "Wow, that sounds so fucking boring" (be tongue in cheek here, don't make it sound like you're genuinely judging her), "Tell me ____, what's something that's totally unique to you? What do you often find yourself indulging in?" This is a much better way to take a conversation because it gets her to A. open up, and B. allows her to go into her imagination and that creates an emotional state in her mind. Imagination is right next door to fantasizing (sexual fantasies, marriage fantasies, etc...) which is exactly the 'state' you want her to be in if you ever want there to be a 'romantic connection' between you two.
6 Posts (+6), 3 Cmts (+1)
You are right I think my main problem is that I try to play it safe and look for a way to get flirtly. I find this is best done as you said being in the moment and the have fun not giving a fuck attitude which will then get her to open up instead of riding on the boring non chemistry building questions. I think this comes from a lack of experience on my part as well as trying to much to not say anything that would stir a negative reaction which may come from an insecurity/lack of confidence. I find myself knowing what to do but not being able to execute and I wonder if that is worse than not knowing this information at all (being that if I was oblivious to what works than I would not be so wrapped up in trying to follow it?)
0 Posts (+0), 101 Cmts (+59)
I would argue that is worse because in these situations you are basically figuratively castrating yourself. You're not allowing yourself to use what you've learned to actually engage in connection building. So, your first step is to shift your mindset and just free flow. Do what you know is right and feels natural. When talking to an attractive woman, it's only natural for you to feel an intense desire for her. Let that shine through your paraverbals and body language. When you can just be there in the moment, it is EXTREMELY attractive to a woman because you are totally congruent and focused on the interaction at hand. Not reading some mental script that some RSD dope told you to follow, you understand? Also, it is better to stir negative reactions than have a woman be indifferent towards you. Now, don't take that as "okay, i'm gonna go stir negative reactions".. No. In the case of both extremes being indifference or negative emotion, any emotion that polarizes the woman will make you more memorable. But, you should be becoming memorable by showing that you understand her deep desires and wants in life. You absolutely cannot do that if you aren't living in the moment with her.
20 Posts (+44), 109 Cmts (+59)
Sometimes it just isn’t gonna happen no matter what. Not everyone is compatible. I had to go on a bunch of dates to learn how to calibrate and push/pull. Last several dates have ended with make outs and last week sex on the first date. I’m still gonna have dates that go nowhere but I’m getting better.
Not sure about your physicality but I struggled when I started because I was pretty heavy. I’m not fit bit I’m way better now which makes your flirting better received. And don’t be shy to go for the kiss if you have that long eye contact sexual tension.
6 Posts (+6), 3 Cmts (+1)
I could probably loose about 20 pounds or so, I do look the same as my pictures but I do understand what you mean by how it impacts flirting. Although it is all confidence it does help when you know that you are at your best physically. Do you have any advice on gauging her intrest in getting physical after a drink or two, It does seem like certain women make it easy but the trouble I have is pushing it to flirting when it seems that they are not about it (maybe this is just in my mind and how it see her)
20 Posts (+44), 109 Cmts (+59)
Anything can be flirting. It’s the tone and the feeling you give off. I always look for a coy smile on her face (hope I’m using coy correctly).
11 Posts (-4), 251 Cmts (+142)
Based on what you wrote it's probably 2 things:
You need to screen better if you keep matching with more conservative, career centred women. Make your profile more polarizing.
Watch Alex's videos on conversations that lead to emotional spikes & sex on dates. If the conversation is getting platonic it's because you allowed it to be.
2A. If the girl is clearly not biting on anything sexual during the date, you can also just leave since you're just wasting each other's time after a point