My date told me she has HPV after we had sex. I should stop seeing her right?
She's probably the hottest chick I pulled so far. It took 3 dates to finally seal the deal. She seemed trustworthy.
We both performed oral and we had sex twice. Both times with a condom. The second time I lost my boner cause of the condom. So I said let's do it raw this time and she said no. She started acting really weird then she told me it's cause she has HPV.
I kinda freaked out a little and she got upset and left. She texted me she wants to keep seeing me. I haven't responded yet cause idk what to do.
I messaged my doctor and he said it can be transmitted through contact with warts or unprotected sex. But she didn't have any visible warts so I think I'm in the clear. She looked, smelled, and tasted clean. Doc also said there's nothing a guy can do but wait for symptoms. And symptoms could show up years down the road so I'll never know if I got it from her.
My date told me I shouldn't be upset cause lots of girls can have HPV and they might not tell me. And I shouldn't leave her for something like this.
But I don't want warts and I don't want cancer. This sucks cause she's seriously the hottest chick I've been with. But I gotta think with the right head on this one and let her go.
How would you guys handle this situation?
First, you're well within your rights to be upset about this. Don't let her gas light you into thinking otherwise. Once you've sat with your feelings though, and have gotten over it, consider:
It's too early to decide either way if you guys should be in a relationship; I suggest getting that frame out of your head. Obviously you still have a lot to learn about her. But "dropping" isn't really the issue, I think. You either want to forgive this transgression or you don't. Once you decide that, just keep vibing and see how it goes.
I think it's fair to forgive and forget, but she has to be sorry and willing to change. If you've expressed that you're upset about her withholding information (if you can empathize with why she would), and she won't apologize or commit to not doing it again, move on.
If you guys reconciliate, good for you. Bang on. Or just be friends--whatever, maybe she has hot girls you can meet in her orbit. But remember, having a girl in your rotation isn't a commitment and you can always change things when you want.
Yeah you make valid points. She did seem really sorry and her defense for not telling me was cause we were using a condom.
But would you continue having sex with someone after knowing that they have HPV? That's the part I'm trying to figure out. I don't want an STD and I definitely don't want cancer.
My doc said HPV is very common and there's a chance she might not even have it anymore if her body cleared it or she might still have it and I might get it and develop warts and penile/anal/oral cancer. And there's also a chance I get it and my immune system clears it. Talk about extremes holy shit.
I just feel like I should cut her off cause she has an STD. But then if it's so common then should I really be cutting her off for that? What would you do?
It's hard to give medical advice but I can tell you what I would do in your shoes. Take it with a grain of salt:
It's my understanding that HPV is very common and that if you're having unprotected sex, you'll likely catch it. And I've already put myself in that position. There's no testing for men either, so it is what it is.
It's not binary for me whether I would cut sex from a girl with HPV. If the sex is not good? Probably. If the sex is mind-blowing? Is she awesome? Probably not.
55 Posts (+3), 250 Cmts (-275)
Only 3 or 4 of the 26 strains of HPV are nasty and high risk for throat cancer. you can be asymptomatic and still pass one of the high risk strains.
I'd find out what strain it is, as long as it's not the high risk ones it doesn't matter
Okay that's good to know thanks. We talked about it and I asked her what strain it is and she doesn't know. She said she never had any warts or symptoms, she found out through a routine checkup. So at least I don't have to worry about getting the warts strain. But I'll ask her to ask her doctor what kind she has and find out. I was doing more research on it and it's very common and I most likely have it from previous partners and not know it.
35 Posts (+2), 150 Cmts (+63)
Hey man first off congrats. You've been putting in a lot of work on the forums it's nice to see that paying off.
It's one thing for a chick to have an STD. My bigger concern is that she lied to you about it, then doubled down and tried to gaslight you. These would both be big red flags for me.
It would be a deal breaker for me and I would let her go, it's your call to make though. You've been improving a lot, 3 months from now she won't even be in your top 5 I'd bet.
28 Posts (+2), 62 Cmts (+8)
Thanks bro I appreciate the recognition! I have been noticing my tinder and dating game getting a little better. Still lots of failed attempts but it's nice to go all the way with a hottie. Next thing I want to work on is day game, I'm terrible at that. Much easier to start a conversation after you know she swiped right and I have time to think of what to say.
And yeah I did more research and found out that HPV isn't as big of a deal like I thought. But yeah I do sense some red flags here. And yeah you're probably right that in 3 months I'll be pulling on hotter chicks. But damn I kinda wanna keep hittin for a little more. I'll keep an eye on the flags though