Thanks Alex. In the midst of this, I discovered the new app - so downloaded and purchased the platinum package. Great work!

This particular situation actually subsided. She just replied in the morning...albeit with fairly blatant non-compliance where I was getting near total devotion before! I'll try to keep this short as possible while giving context, but I do have a follow-up question. The reason for this is backward rationalization.

The conversation has been a mix of conversational, flirty and very kinky-sexual then on the day of the date, after a month she totally blindsided me by declaring that she stays fully clothed on the first date. Now that would have been fine, but it was in response to the other big fuck up on my part of this whole thing which was based on the sexual conversation, I told her she could bring some of her own accessories over and she responded to that, pretty outraged. A bit of digging and she hits out with "I'm kinky but not easy" (after a month of kinky conversation and what I was gonna do to her/what she wanted me to do, etc...). Anyway, I made it clear after a certain point there were no expectations and we'd see how the chemistry was, but in terms of mindset and being in the zone that TOTALLY fucked with me and honestly where I'm normally confident and assured, there were definitely points where I came across than being much less than that.

We made it to the bedroom and had a very passionate make-out session and she was aroused by me choking her and kissing/biting her neck and rubbing her pussy through her clothes. Just before that, I told her to lie down on her back and she asked me "Are you going to hurt me?". Clearly that was her way of giving me the green light to escalate but I was so concerned about "comfort" that I stupidly didn't pick up on this right away and tried to be reassuring in saying "No". I recognised the fuck up almost immediately and so I whispered in her ear "not unless you want me to". Anyway, it didn't work. What she needed here was a clear, confident and unambiguous affirmative answer and in hindsight with the lack of that, for me just do something by way of "actions speaking louder than words". I pulled her hair and choked her and she was aroused but clearly not enough to get her to take those clothes off...

I'm annoyed with myself for not handling this whole situation better but you live and learn. Of course it's annoying as fuck after all that time of creating a very different impression, she said that on the day but it was my misstep that caused that and everything else that's caused a loss in value since. The good news is she was clearly so mega-invested before and I live in hope that she got enough on the date that she's still here, still saying she'll meet again and with the help of the app, it feels like I'm slowly re-establishing my value again.

But my question is a more general one that can't really be answered by the app and that is, how can you go about managing and turning around backward rationalization in this sort of situation?