Lover vs Provider
Read up on some of the lover vs provider theories. Although I personally think it isn’t as black & white like that, there’s definitely value in that information.
I noticed lately girls are having a good time with me on dates, there’s a lot of attraction but I feel like I fall in the provider/relationship category too much.
Not necessarily by trying too hard, but my nature of being an open book. Sharing my thoughts about different subjects pretty explicitly. At the end of the date the girls seem to really like me and it works like a disadvantage. They don’t want to go “too fast” with me even though there is definitely sexual tension.
Would this be a case of sexualizing/escalating more quickly or simply shut up and don’t share too much about myself?
393 Posts (+1.3K), 15K Cmts (+5.3K)
Your right, it's definitely not black & white. I wouldn't say how much you share about yourself is going to play a role in whether or not a girl sees you as a lover or provider. Their are some "lovers" who talk almost non-stop and some "providers" who don't say anything. And vice-versa of course. The issue is much more likely in the general vibe you give off. Does a girl you're a "nice guy" or "super sweet" Are you hesitant to make sexual jokes or talk about sexual topics? Do you treat a girl like she's a princess? Do you act differently around women then you do with your friends? These are all "provider" type behaviors.
The speed at which you escalate isn't going to be a defining factor, but you do need to escalate on the first date and always go for the close. Try introducing more "fuckboy" elements to your approach. Instead of going on public dates, invite chicks straight over for a bottle of wine. Make sexual innuendos. Do shit like that and you should be able to find a nice balance. Back in the day when I was trying to optimally escalate I started whipping my dick out right after kissing the girl. That made me completely crush any lingering fear/crushing anxiety I had and let me get to a nice in between point where my escalation was "aggressive" but "smooth" The point is that you need to go a little bit further in the opposite direction so that you can reach a nice middle point. Hope that helps
393 Posts (+1.3K), 15K Cmts (+5.3K)
Check out the TV show Californication for an example of how a lover acts/behaves. Hank Moody is a great example of that