How best to handle - "Not in the headspace for dating atm"
Hi guys, screenshots attached. Any idea for how to best handle a girl saying that she's not sure she's up to date atm and wants to take things slower? i've tried to find out her concern.
I should state the opener was based of something in her "All I ask is that you" prompt. Her response was "Treat me like royalty"
Potential timewaster? More comfort needed? or do I need to ramp up attraction/ sexuality? Also any general tips gratefully received!
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From the texts she mentioned she is stressed about moving, not that she's not ready for dating ("taking things slower with dating" sounds like she's feeling some sort of slutshaming, doesn't mean she won't sleep with you if you have a great date with her). She's on a dating app after all and she's answering all of your texts. I would say something like "Yeah, moving is super stressful. Sounds like you need to destress a bit. I can help with that. Lets have a fun date at ________. What's your schedule like" Try to get her to meet you in person.
Cheers mate, much appreciated. I ended up replying before you commented but went with similar to what you suggested anyway. She replied once but didn't reply again and has gone quiet for the last two days. Any glaring errors and suggestions for how to play it out? I presume roll off for a day or so and then come back. I wonder if it's worth restarting from fresh or something like "Don't think too hard"
I'm trying to work out what element is missing or if she is just the flaky/ timewaster type.
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5 Posts (+2), 372 Cmts (+206)
Well I love these long psychoanalyses because 3 minutes after I post she'll reply "yeah coffee's great how's tuesday I'll bring the lube and the tiara" and I'll look like a crazy man. ANYWHO:
There's no mileage in the "moving is stressful let me relax you" angle because she's already said that's not the real objection. You tried to cutesy your way around the real objection ("meditation") which works for little stuff, but this one's big for her and needs to be explored then addressed.
"Real talk though, you were on Hinge looking for a king and now you're not dating... what happened?"
You might find that she's had a bad experience and some other man has temporarily ruined her, the way that new opener keeps claiming š. In which case you deal with that.
If not... I see the idea of "validation stripping" kicked around, well here's a situation where it might deserve to be applied. You explain you want adventurous, she assures you she's adventurous, now she can't even manage a smoothie. She says she'll be testing whether you're worth her time, then wastes buckets of your time. (To be fair, if someone says they're not dating and you keep right on chatting about gardening, you waste your own time.) Strip back some of the validation you've been handing out. Currently you enable her by keeping up friendly chat parallel with trying to close. Why would she be in a rush to meet up when she's getting attention and validation delivered right to her phone?
And check your frame... this is not princess and the pauper, or queen and her jester, it's the fucking King on the hunt for a consort.
"I can take things as slow as you like, actually I prefer the slow build, but I'm here to meet a queen and have adventures"
Probably don't say this but it's not far off:
"We both value our time and I don't want to waste it... I've got princesses to chase and you've got boxes to pack"
Posting an update as it's potentially a useful case study. Max was spot on with his analysis so many thanks to him. I'm sure my texting was far from optimal but managed to get a date arranged although she ended up flaking. One of those where I cba any more. As always, any general opinions/ insights gratefully received
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393 Posts (+1.3K), 15K Cmts (+5.3K)
"The boys have been treating you bad huh"