Girl thinks we're "looking for different things"
9 Posts (+5), 10 Cmts (+2)
Met this girl last Saturday at the mall. We ended up spending 7 hours together, going back to my place, and fooling around a lot. She wasn't ready to go all the way so fast, but she kept saying how much she likes it/me, how excited she is, and how crazy this is. On leaving my place she was very excited and looking forward to seeing me again.
One thing that will be important later: even though she looks younger than me (I'm 30), she told me she's older and didn't want to share her exact age. That's fine, I don't care her age.
Initially over text she was very invested, sending long messages and saying she'd let me know that week when she can meet. My thinking was she's hot now and can cool down, so I need to keep things warm and see her again asap. To that end, I'd text her once every day or 2 to check in. Just simple stuff like how her day's going and what I'm up to, and if she engages, try to smoothly move things forward.
Thing is, near the end of the week her investment started to decrease. Over the weekend she told me she was relaxing in some nearby town so I know she would've had time to see me if she wanted. And then a few texts in a row from her were just emojis and hahahas. So I called her out: "Ha, love the effort of your messages." And that's when it came out.
"I'm a great person, but we're in different places in our lives and she doesn't want to hurt me. She wishes me all the best." Digging more, turns out she's 40, and "we're looking for different things." She didn't want to specify what those different things are. I tried to call, but she didn't pick up because she "doesn't see a point to this conversation" and "isn't obligated to explain how she feels."
I told her I don't care about her age. That I've always gotten along better with older people (which is true) and that most of my exes have been older than me. She replied simply with "understood."
So... I think this is dumb. I actually like this girl more than anyone I've met in a long time. She's just making assumptions. But idk how to fix it if I can't even get her to talk about it. How would you guys proceed? Happy to share the exact text messages.
Also would greatly appreciate any opinions on what I could've done differently earlier.
28 Posts (+2), 62 Cmts (+15)
You should post texts to give context. Alex has a video where he addresses the age objection pretty aptly.
If you're text game was subpar at some point throughout the week it might've made her rethink her attraction for you and use the age as an excuse. It could also be insecurity, among a myriad of other things not necessarily related to you.
6 Posts (+10), 188 Cmts (+18)
Honestly, it just seems like she’s a woman that experienced everything already and just wants to settle down for a relationship or marriage because it’s that late in her life. My best advice is to move on, meet a girl that looks better than her even though you’re already emotionally and sexually attracted to her. I’m dealing with this now already with being friend zoned. It’s the same protocol. Just distance yourself, give her space and move on. If she was as invested as she was before she’ll come back to you in your life once she finds out you have improved in your lifestyle. Don’t keep chasing her, allow her to chase you. If you keep texting with logical explanations on why things should work out she’ll lose interest. Let her pursue you and when she starts to, don’t fall for it too quick until an opportunity to ask her out again arises. If she wants to call, reject her, if she wants to hang out, reject her, and keep rejecting her at least twice or three times before asking her out. At this point it seems as she wants something long term and if you can’t offer that for her then move on. If you do want a long term relationship with her, then let her know that she’s down because at this point she doesn’t feel that way. She thinks that you just want to have sex.
393 Posts (+1.3K), 15K Cmts (+5.3K)
Yeah man. I've been there 100 times. Basically, the different place line is a complete smokescreen. The real reason is that her ASD (anti slut defense) was triggered. There are many great articles about this. But the short end of it is is that if you get close to sex with a chick without actually having sex, her ASD goes off and she will come up with every reason in the world not to see you again
9 Posts (+5), 10 Cmts (+2)
Yup, makes total sense! Have you ever come back from this, or is it futile to try?
393 Posts (+1.3K), 15K Cmts (+5.3K)
It's unfortunately futile
4 Posts (+9), 14 Cmts (+6)
Hi Alex ! Great explanation. Would be great to see how to make her " turn off " her ASD or game it. Always experienced this with girls that was attratced to, often after 2-3 direct to home lays. It's like they communicate I am not just a piece of meat.
393 Posts (+1.3K), 15K Cmts (+5.3K)
Exactly!