First sign of non compliance after we couldn’t meet
Where did I go wrong here? I tried to get her to come over Saturday night but she said shes with her friends and she wouldn’t leave so i tried to show a bit of social awareness that i understand she cant leave her friends and didn’t want to be too pushy.
But now Sunday night I messaged her around 5pm and she said she finished cleaning her room but she didn’t respond after I said “ready for purell and chill”
Where should i go from here? should I try to soft close her and ask to come over tonight or just ask for her schedule instead and schedule a date in advanced?
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36 Posts (+13), 199 Cmts (+70)
In my experience if I sexualize over text and she doesn’t come that night I need to build more comfort the next time I try to get her over. Also if I can’t get a girl to come over that night I don’t usually try for the next day unless she pushes for it. That can communicate that you’ve got nothing going on and are waiting for her.
last text didn't make sense. you were calibrating to her responses just fine but that last one doesnt ping to anything, its just a canned line w no relevance. cant blame her for not responding
not everything is about compliance non-compliance, when you say something off thats on you not her. work on more calibrating and using less canned material
I was gonna wait a whole 24 hours before I double texted. But she texted me back before then and everything seems to be going well again. Fingers crossed we can actually set up a date from here.
Here’s the update:
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393 Posts (+1.3K), 15K Cmts (+5.3K)
Also, I see this mistake commonly. You don’t have to try to do “same night date texts” . It’s usually much better to plan something a bit in advance
0 Posts (+0), 3 Cmts (+0)
Obviously I don't know your full story, but it sounds like you're doing a bit too much of the pushing here, if she keeps flaking you probably need to drop your interest level a bit. Put something like "I get it, you're too shy to meet me" and see if she'll give a better reason for her lack of interest that you can work around, but I repeat, you absolutely do not want to just keep rescheduling when she flakes as she need to know you are a guy who's time is important to him and you're not going to keep scheduling things in with a girl you can't rely on
That’s what I thought so I’m not going to push to meet tonight. I’ll pull back a bit and wait. She seems interested all the way up until now because everything was going smoothly but until now is the first time she didn’t reply to my message, but earlier she said she feels intimidated to meet new people because she is inexperienced
0 Posts (+0), 3 Cmts (+0)
Sounds positive 👍 and when she does that interest again feel free to reassure her that inexperience isnt a problem, maybe joke that "if it's not perfect the first time we can just keep trying until we nail it" but wait until she shows interest so that this is reassurance rather than another attempt to persuade her
0 Posts (+0), 14 Cmts (-20)
I can understand if you are shy n nervous .
393 Posts (+1.3K), 15K Cmts (+5.3K)
Yes I would say a variation of that “if you’re too nervous, I’d undeterstand”
393 Posts (+1.3K), 15K Cmts (+5.3K)
So your banter and vibe is on point. You’re just closing in a suboptimal way. After she said “Plus it fam time”
“It’s cool. Let’s do another night”
Her “sounds good”
You “what’s your schedule like”
Her: blah blah
“Cool, let’s do Tuesday night
59 Posts (+15), 147 Cmts (+24)
Thanks man, I will keep that sticking point in mind and work on closing better next time.
When you ask what’s your schedule like and she gives you a vague answer like “I’ll let you know/I didn’t get it from work yet” do you just agree with it and wait on her to get back to you about her schedule or do say something like “I’ll check my schedule and get back to you” to kinda steal the frame, so that way it shows you are not just waiting on her and you need to find time to see if you can pencil her into your schedule as well?
393 Posts (+1.3K), 15K Cmts (+5.3K)
I would just respond with “okay”
34 Posts (+1), 203 Cmts (+77)
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