FEEDBACK SERIES PART 3

How to take the wisdom and perspective from others to accelerate our growth as a person.

Traditionally there’s negative, constructive and observational feedback.

The difference between negative and constructive is it’s intention and the way it's delivered. However, once we learn how to take any type of feedback, the difference between these two are irrelevant. They can both provide us with information we can use to improve.

Observational Feedback

This is the type of feedback we get based on other people reactions and behaviours. An example is when a girl pulls back, becomes quiet and withdraws from conversation after uncalibrated physical escalation.

Alex is a master of body language and uses Observational Feedback to be able to know exactly what is going on in his and our students’ interactions at all times.

It’s not uncommon for a student to be inset have what looks like a normal semi-platonic conversation and then Alex suddenly comes up and whispers something in the student’s ear and 1 minute later he’s pulled.

It’s very fascinating how far you can take observational feedback and it’s something me and Pierre are doubling down on learning more about from Alex right now as it’s been a real game-changer on our programs lately. Students feel in control of their interaction and like they’re getting a 6th sense about the girl’s thoughts and emotions.

Not to mention how we’ve been using this to get around cockblocks and orbiters with ease.

Amazing stuff.

But when it comes to negative/constructive feedback, remember to take a breath, be thankful and realise that this is an opportunity to change your life.

“You keep freaking out girls in my set, you need to stop escalating so hard”

It’s easy to get reactive to this.

Remember, take a breathe, and be thankful.

The next step it to catch it and don't let it make you reactive/upset.

Ask for clarification, try to truly understand what the other person is trying to express and be as objective as possible.

“So, just to clarify. You’re saying that you think that I am closing the proximity too quickly with girls and it's ruining the interaction?”

Now that you have the feedback, move on from the situation.

Take a second to settle your emotions and immediate reactions and begin to use your judgement. Its difficult to admit when we are wrong or have something to improve when you don't know if you are wrong. This requires a secondary skill that takes time to cultivate, ‘good judgment’.

How do we develop a better judgment?

Start by sorting the feedback.

FALSE - If we believe is it completely untrue then throw it away into the ignore and move on basket. No hard feelings, no ill thoughts, just move on.

MAYBE - If we think it might be true then put it in the maybe basket. From here speak to others in your life, reflect on your behaviours and further investigate what you have been told. Ask friends, observe the same behaviours in the future or discuss it with someone you trust like a mentor. From here you can decide to move it to the truth basket or forget and ignore.

TRUTH -. If it is true then you need to figure out how to improve. Usually, the one giving the feedback has a solution or you might need to ask others and find options to improve. It is a learning opportunity, and once you internalise the solution you will become a better person and more effective at what you do.

MULTIPLE FEEDBACK - However, the real growth and blind spots are achieved from a secret fourth basket. This is the times that you realise you have gotten the same feedback multiple times that you have put in the untrue basket. You have received it before and chose to ignore and move on.

This personally happened to me. I noticed girls were calling me arrogant and condescending. At first I ignored it, thinking I was just confident and it was their first impression or maybe a bit of a shit test. However, I received this time and time again. It took me way too long but I finally put it in a maybe basket and investigated with close friends who reassured me this wasn't the case. Once again, I threw it into the UNTRUE and ignore basket.

However, I was still receiving this feedback from girls. After this happened over and over again I once again placed it into the MAYBE basket.

I put more effort into reflection and investigating. I noticed that early in relationships and interactions I was not being vulnerable enough. I would want to show a confident side and often would be arrogant and condescending.

My close friends saw both sides so would reassure me. But, because I was able to identify that there was consistent feedback being placed in the untrue basket I addressed it. I looked at ways to improve. I found that being more vulnerable and showing more diverse sides to myself and appreciating others opinions more early on in an interaction I then stopped hearing this feedback. I also started to have stronger and quicker connections with women and saw better results.

A recap on how to handle feedback

Be thankful and listen
Catch it and don't let it in
Clarify
Sort it into baskets
Take action
Be open to further feedback

It is great when people are open to giving you feedback. Unfortunately, this rarely happens. You need to be able to ask for it and seek it out.

Sadly, just saying
“Hey can you give me some feedback”
Will almost never work. So don’t ASK for feedback. Assume it!

Also, preface it and preempt objections. You should always ensure the person you will not get mad, that you want them to be as harsh as possible because you need it to get better, and that you would really appreciate their opinion.

Questions you can ask your wings;

“What is one thing that I’m doing or failing to do that is getting in the way of my goals” (specify what your goals are)

“What is one thing that will make a positive difference to our friendship?”

Keep in mind, they have a list of things you do that drive them crazy. They will have an answer they have likely been carrying around with them, they will even come back a day later with another thing they thought was more important.

Take this feedback and use the method described above to improve your character as a person and friend.

This is a great method for friends, wings, and families. However, to get really good with women, some of the best feedback you can get is from the woman herself. This is one of the secret ways I’ve gotten to the level I'm at today. It’s the reason I accelerated my learning, am so ‘congruent’ and have managed to develop my level of empathy and understanding of female psychology.

So, you meet a girl, spend the night with her and your wondering why she liked you. Maybe you're wondering if she thought you were weird or that she knew that ‘line’ you used had been used before. This was a core issue we had with a student on our last program. We teach mindsets and beliefs on our first night. Yet, as we always say learning the theory behinds mindsets is one thing, but the real change is from the feedback loop we create with the world.

I can tell you girls love sex as much as I can day, after day, but sometimes you will only ever believe it when you see it in real life. When girls tell you how horny they are, how much they want a guy tonight when they have more sexual fantasies and desires than you could imagine.

On one of our students on our Budapest programs, this Eurotrip started the program with so many flawed mindsets.

He thought that most girls are conservative and that using ‘technique’ was a little bit weird and that the girls would ‘know’ and the connection wouldn't be as strong.

But halfway through the program he kept telling us how shocked he was.

We taught him how to get feedback from girls and how to strengthen our inner game and mindsets. He looked back on his world through a new lens. He had an epiphany moment where he understood why some of his past relationships or interactions didn't work.

He, for the first time, realised he could add huge value to a girls life through cold approach and build a strong connection in which the girl was willing to fly across countries to see him again.

“This stuff actually works”

Well, yes. He’s right. It does. It’s no magic pill, hard work needs to be put it. However, he was right ‘This stuff does work.’

Next week we will take a deeper look at how to get feedback from the girls we sleep with.