Feedback Series: Part 2

If you have not read Part One, Then search for "Feedback series" on the left side of the page to find this article.

So let’s pick up where we left off last time we spoke.

Step 2: Intrinsic feedback

As I was saying, intrinsic feedback is very powerful but also very tricky (fallacies, blind spots, etc like we discussed last time).

The best type of structured self-feedback for your game are feedback reports, there is a template in the files section of the UMP Facebook group.

This is relying on intrinsic feedback to focus on what you have done well in the night, what you could improve on, and any lessons you have learnt. This allows you to focus on external feedback questions that need to be answered in order to improve and to also give you direction or a focus point for the next night. This is the first crucial step to take your game from a plateau to a growth mindset and ensure that each and every night you go out, you are improving one aspect of your interactions.

We had a student on a Sydney program who was the ultimate ‘nice guy’. He (Richard) was incredibly supplicating and people pleasing. Richard was highly agreeable and would go against his own values and beliefs just to make others happy. This, of course, is incredibly unattractive to women and also will ensure you will never progress anywhere in life.

He realised this from his feedback report and asked how to improve. The focus we gave him for the next coaching session was to practice being unagreeable. He had to disagree with everything everyone said as an exercise.

Girl: “I really like this music”
Student: “Nah, it’s really shit, I’ve got better taste than this.”

For the first time, he negatively spiked people's emotions.

He practiced feeling strong and assertive in conversations and from here he was able to better display his boundaries in future interactions. This student ended up being one of our most successful on program and went on to live a much happier life.

The problem with self-feedback is that it is heavily biased. Depending on our personality, it could be in either direction. We are often too hard on ourselves.
If you find yourself at the end of the night telling yourself you’re not good enough, you mess everything up, and asking yourself why you suck, then you are being too critical on yourself and you need to begin to change this self-talk.

Firstly, you need to change the voice in your head. It needs to become a cheerleader. You need to be a cheerleader for yourself. Every time you find yourself being your own worst critic you need to flip it. We talked about changing frames plenty of times before, it’s time to start doing it to yourself.

An easy way we address this on our Rite of Passage program is every time you catch yourself having negative self-talk you must present it the same way you would give feedback to your wing.

“She looked at me with confusion and disgust, I really suck, I’m never going to get good at this”
Change the frame to “She didn't get a chance to get to know me yet, I need to transition better to keep her attention.”

In a matter of weeks Richard went from cripplingly shy and awkward nice guy to meeting 1-2 girls/week with extreme consistency (without going out 5+ nights per week because he’s a mid-thirties professional and doesn’t have that kind of time on his hands). He’s now got 2 fuckbuddies that he’s had for 2+ months while meeting 5 girls outside of his rotation in the past month while only going out on the weekends and doing a bit of spontaneous approaching when he’s going about his day.

How?

Feedback.

This entire series of articles stem from a call I had with him about a week ago (we really pride ourselves on our long-term relationships we have with ALL of our students) where he told me about how the journaling and self-feedback templates we gave him has been his favourite tool since the program.

Obviously, he’s using all the other feedback tools as well but as I said, self-feedback is ALWAYS available and should therefore be used a lot since it’s so readily available.

Thanks to getting a close-to-complete understanding of what it takes to meet, attract and connect with quality girls he’s now able to use self-feedback to consistently blast through new plateaus and get better and better even if he doesn’t have 20+ hours/week to out to approach.

Not knowing hot to get laid wasn’t your choice, but not learning to get laid is.

Learn the tools or accept your fate as a lonely, frustrated and insecure little boy.

There are two types of people.

Those with a growth-mindset and those with a fixed mindset.

Only one type get success in this area unless they were already born with the skills.

Choose who you want to be but pick wisely because the consequences can be dire.

Until next time,

• Markus “Do or die motherfucker”

p.s Part 3 to be posted shortly