Difficulty Overthinking
This weakness is vastly worse when texting rather than talking in person, but does anyone have experienced input on how I can become someone who just sends whatever text seems the most fitting, and then living and learning from my experiences. I overthink each message and even though i’m extremely busy throughout the day with multiple commitments of high value, I find myself occasionally getting a little pitt in my stomach about texting girls. I’m sure this will decrease with more exposure and more girls to text overall, but any input would be appreciated.
393 Posts (+1.3K), 15K Cmts (+5.3K)
Well, I think it's one of those things that the more you do, the less you will overthink. You will slowly become more and more confident in your messages. Thus, decreasing your need to overthink
10 Posts (+1), 471 Cmts (+173)
For me, when I first was getting into verbals and text game, I legit wrote down the most flirtiest lines that I can which I think I still have to this day. Eventually, I started to understand Alex's thought process of how he comes up with those messages and it came second nature to me. I also think a big thing is that I know what to say in every situation because when I used to write those notes and flirty lines down, I would annotate as well when to use them in any point of the interaction. But honestly, I'm getting the vibe you're trying to think of the perfect thing to say. And I know that sounds cliche to hear, but I'll say this though. The biggest factor nobody told me is how low you set the bar to. Set it as low as possible so you're funneling those stupid thoughts and those deep witty thoughts of course. When you flirt, it doesn't have to make sense. So a tip is when you're thinking of something creative to say, think of all the things that you would not normally say with whatever you're going to talk about. It could even be the most polar opposite things, words that don't go together at all!
An example: (Romantic and Skinny DIpping)
You: How's thy humpday treating you
Her: Pretty good, I just got my nails all done for today 🥰. Hbu?
You: Sounds exciting; Rhaegar and I just got done with our romantic skinny dipping session, only thing missing was a bit of ___
You see where I'm going with this? I just combined the most arbitrary antonyms and made something sound witty, yet so retarded! It's easier said than done, but I can assure you you'll see good results over time if you do your due diligence. If you need any more help, dm man
9 Posts (+5), 212 Cmts (+56)
It all comes down to your mindset. I used to have that same problem but I don't anymore, and there are two reasons for this :
We call that little unpleasant gut level feeling FEAR OF REJECTION. We want to make sure every word we send back has a purpose and text something that is totally rejection proof... and that's the problem! You are being too dependant on the short term outcome (getting laid, going on a date, etc...) instead of prioritizing the long term one which is CHANGE.
My goal personally is to learn how to become very good at texting women, to the point where it becomes easy and effortless... And that takes trial and error! I'd rather send the wrong message to a girl and learn something new than overthink my messages and be inauthentic. See what I'm saying by "valueing long term success over short term achievement" ?
I'd like to share with you a couple beliefs which helped me remove completely that "little pit in my stomach" :
-"Every failure is a stepping stone to success. I believe that girls I fail with were just stepping stones on my way to help me succeed. I know with 100% certainty than no matter how many girls reject me, in the end, they were not made to be with me.. because if they were, destiny would have tied us together"
-"There's an abundance of women out there. We are 8 billion on earth and half of us are women! No matter how many times I screw it up, I can still find another woman to better my game with!"
-"Imagine if every girl I texted had to take 5 minutes to think before every message they'd send back. How pathetic is that? How fake is that? Imagine two people texting and fearing each other. I want to have fun! I have no time to be unsure of myself and I am authentic. I will send whatever comes to mind and correct my approach afterwards"
-"I can treat girls like friends. When I text my friends I'm totally present, quick on my feet and easily make a fun conversation... Why wouldn't that be possible with a woman I like ? Why wouldn't I trust myself more? I have done it and can do it"
And finally, I have a little rule i stick to. To make sure I don't overthink things too much, I'll give myself maximum 1 minute to form a text and when that time comes to pass, I push the send button. It really helps me put myself back into a place of indifference.
A bit long but worth the read :)
16 Posts (+8), 82 Cmts (+55)
Man I wish I could upvote posts more than once. This is the exact answer I needed to hear, I appreciate you So damn much. 🙏 Honestly this is the best post i’ve read on this entire forum so far, probably because it applies to me, but I think this deserves to be pinned or something. Alex could even make a video just talking about your comment here. Anyways, I’m going to write these down on my own and put them into practice immediately, Even as i made this post, I knew texting shouldn’t be stressful, rather laid back and enjoyable, but your tips are going to make that transition a lot easier on my mental. Thank you
9 Posts (+5), 212 Cmts (+56)
No problem Andy ✌️