Dating with depression and anxiety
So.. I have been able to get decent dates in the pasts, some which ended in sex. However, sometimes I get stucked in a depressed and anxious state that lasts several weeks. In this state I have very hard time socializing, and I can't look ANYONE in the eyes. I can't even properly speak. I just mumble a lot, and don't have proper ideas. I'm sure this is because I isolate myself and drown in anxiety cycles.
I have been getting lots of matches recently. 5-10 per day. I have several constant chats. However, I haven't booked dates, because I can't look people I the eyes.
Yesterday I made an exemption, and had a second date with a girl, which I dated first time months ago (didn't had sex, just kiss). It went TERRIBLE. There wasn't chemistry because I just couldn't feel comfortable around her. I tried to kiss her and she did kiss back, but she was kind of uncomfortable and most likely lost all interest.
Of course I need to work on myself and get out of this hellish state, however I feel I need to keep dating women otherwise I'll start to lose general motivation and will lose the little practice I currently have.
My question is how do you guys think I could handle dates in which I can't even look girls in the eyes. I can't even express myself. Has anyone had similar experiences? To be honest, most of my dates I've had in this depressed state, have gone terrible, unless I am completely honest in how I feel with the girl, and she understands it and accepts it. That has actually worked, but It kind of only works in "lower value women".
393 Posts (+1.3K), 15K Cmts (+5.3K)
Im a bit confused, why you cant look people in the eyes when you're depressed? like i know when were down its not a natural urgeh for us, but you could easily force yourself to maintain eye contact. What would happen if you did that?
Also sorry to hear you're going through depression. I had it too when i was younger. You should get medical help. Doing TMS helped me massively
4 Posts (+1), 20 Cmts (+0)
When I'm depressed, sometimes I get a lot of anxiety. Lots of thoughts in my head, and sometimes I also get social anxiety. I even feel social anxiety with close friends. That's what makes me not being able to look people in the eyes. But is not a confidence issue, it's a brain chemistry issue, because when I'm feeling well, I can even cold approach.
If I force eyecontact, there is not improvement. It just feels heavily as if im forcing things out, and I look very nervous. Also in this state, due to the anxiety or depression or whatever it is, I don't feel chemistry if i force things. I can kiss a girl, and not feel anything, so there is no much point in forcing things.
The thing is, is that my depression comes and goes, and it comes heavily with anxiety and OCD. I can be in this state in the morning, and in the afternoon be very well. How does it work? I don't know. I have already went to professional help, and it didn't help much. I have taken TMS, SSRIs and cognitive behavioral therapy. They all have their pros and cons. SSRIs fcked my sexuality and I can't get strong erections easy ever since I took Escitalopram for just some days, so meds are no longer an option for me. Im looking for a good therapist but it's just a lot of work to find a good one.
I have been able to live fine with my brain, but the issue is that it's hard when it comes to dating. Sometimes I get a very good first date, and then a second very bad date due to my mental state; and then get rejected because of no "chemistry"; and I try to explain to the girl, but most don't really care about logical explanations. Once they stop feeling chemistry, is mostly a "goodbye". That's why I have mostly been dating girls that I already know, because they know how I am.
I have been thinking about just having dates and just trying to have a good time, not thinking about advancing sexually, if I am not in a good mental state. Theres a good chance there won't be a second date if I do that. And even if there is a second date, then it gets hard to advance sexually if the chemistry hasnt been good. But If I have at least 2 dates per week, I expect to at least have success with a new girl per month. It will also cost me money, because I live with my family.
15 Posts (+2), 45 Cmts (+2)
I feel for you bro
393 Posts (+1.3K), 15K Cmts (+5.3K)
I understand what youre saying, but there's nothing physically preventing you from making eye contact. It may be uncomfortable, but you can def force yourself to do it
But it sounds like you have some significant mental health issues so i would get that addressed. Go to a good functional medicine doctor and have them test your hormones, vitamin deficiencies, heavy metals, etc.
Also definetly find a place where you can do TMS. it is a game changer