Hey fellas. Met this girl a month ago at cool bar. We vibed, made her laugh a lot and soft closed her in person then again over text. We texted a bit, kept it fun n light. In short when I was trying to set a date she drops "...I'm not trying to date atm..." I responded pretty chill about it, I thought. No response yet. Been 2 weeks. How can I get back on track or should I just move on? Appreciate your feedback
6 Comments
6 Cmts
4y ago
35 Posts (+2), 150 Cmts (+63)
Your response wasn't great. Generally you want to dig a bit deeper, find out why she "doesn't want to date". Maybe she just broke up with a bf, maybe she's just busy or w.e. Alex has a few videos on this, and you'd be surprised at how well it can usually work. But basically you find out her reason and break it down to just make it all look kind of silly/not that big of a deal. Tough to explain, better off watching his vids.
It's a plus you already met her. Always talk about how great the vibe was. Instead of telling her how "cool" she was, tell her how awesome OUR vibe and time together was. The we frame is very powerful. Last resort if she won't meet in person, suggest a quick phone call. This happened to me recently where she wouldn't meet, but agreed to a call. If you can reignite the vibe/throw in some call back humor etc you can get her back on your team.
3 Posts (+0), 10 Cmts (+2)
Great advise and insights. Thanks brother. One more thing, would you re-engage with fun lighthearted humor (like nothing happened) or would you try to find out the reason behind her dating hiatus directly without dacing around the topic?
35 Posts (+2), 150 Cmts (+63)
I would go direct here. Like to her initial answer of "I don't want to date" you could have simply just replied "Why is that"
I've sent out two of these types of messages the past couple of weeks in similar spots to yours where I got left on read. One worked, one didn't. Again I'd suggest finding his videos on this topic and watching them as it is pretty nuanced. Also feel free to play around with all of this wordage to your specific case. The one girl I had actually hooked up with a few times, so I made my message more sincere. The other girl was a bumble date who I never met, so I shortened it up a bit and made it more to the point.
Basically something like "Hey her name I saw xyz callback something specific to your convos and thought of you. Honestly just curious at this point, is there a reason you weren't looking to date? We had a good vibe that night, I wasn't asking you to marry me, but it would have been cool to get to know each other more over a coffee/drink. No hard feelings, just wondering. Hope your spring break went well"
I think most guys just give up here. But you'd be surprised. Sometimes just giving it a few weeks and coming back cool, calm and collected is all you need. If she had any interest at all in you, you should at least get a response back.