Thanks man. Was a fun run, lots of first experiences for us both, bonded lots, did molly and told each other we loved each other, etc. Spent basically a month straight at her place of sex / food / soccer / chilling with her roommate, really good times. In the end she'd been outta town a few weeks and we had a few stupid BLM fights and she decided it was too much negativity for her
Basically I said from the start "Idk if I fully support BLM" and my reasons were
not convinced that the statistics around police brutality (e.g. black people are 3x as likely to be killed by police than white people) are due to police being racist, instead of simply e.g. black populations are higher in poor neighborhoods (which could still be an issue to target since it's an aftereffect of slavery)
negative effects in society of making the world out to be more racist than it is (divisive, doesn't focus on the real issues to address like drug laws / education funding in black neighborhoods / etc)
And she was a typical human and got emotional about the convo; didn't care about my reasons, just cared about the fact that my overall stance was "not sure if I fully support" instead of "I support BLM because I support black people". In the end we had like 3 heated debates on it, in the last debate she finally understood my perspective and realized she was wrong the whole time. But softened it with "I still blame you 30% for explaining poorly.. and the rest... well I don't wanna take the rest of the blame..." and I let it go but brought it up the next day that she had an ego issue for saying that, and that's when she hung up and broke up with me saying the relationship isn't worth it to her because of all the negativity.
To be fair I've been thinking and realizing also that I got more beta as the relationship went on. As you know she was super sassy+testy from the start, and at the beginning I mostly dealt with that stuff by treating them like shit tests (teasing back, not taking it too seriously, etc). But as the relationship went on, in my head I assumed the tests would stop and we could just be normal with each other (which we could in a lot of ways). So e.g. at the end there when she said "I still blame you 30% and I don't wanna take the rest of the blame" I could've treated it lighthearted like "oh really? so I get the blame but you get none" with a smirk, but instead I brushed it off in the moment ("It's ok we don't have to quantify it, let's just move on and be happy we resolved this") and then brought it up the next day ("You do have a bit of an ego issue"). I'm realizing this because she brought up not too long ago that things she used to say in the beginning didn't bother me, but nowadays more things she says bother me. And didn't realize until now that it could be, I first got her by being alpha, and then I stopped being as alpha in the way I dealt with her shit tests, not recognizing them as things I could treat as shit tests.
I also told her a few days before the breakup that it "hurt me" that she'd considered breaking up over the BLM stuff, that it made me feel like she didn't value the rest of our relationship enough. Again the bluepill self assuming I could be authentic but in the end the dynamic got skewed with that beta side of me. Unfortunate because if I get super close to a girl like that, and feel I have a deep connection with her, it makes sense that it hurts if they would break up over something small like a political disagreement. But in the end it's not a healthy dynamic for the girl to want to break up over something stupid and the guy saying "it hurts that you would want to break up with me over that".
I knew we'd end sometime (she had pretty big personality flaws, like the above BLM retardedness) but figured we'd have a much longer relationship than we did. Still learning as I go. I know you say game stops when you fuck the chick but I do feel like betaness was at play here in the breakup, alongside other possible factors. Just a few days before the breakup she said "all I want is to live with you somewhere" and "please don't stop loving me, that'd be so sad" so it's not like she just wasn't into me enough, I don't think... Think I just may have flipped off the hypergamy switch
108 Posts (+4), 315 Cmts (+4)
Thanks man. Was a fun run, lots of first experiences for us both, bonded lots, did molly and told each other we loved each other, etc. Spent basically a month straight at her place of sex / food / soccer / chilling with her roommate, really good times. In the end she'd been outta town a few weeks and we had a few stupid BLM fights and she decided it was too much negativity for her
393 Posts (+1.3K), 15K Cmts (+5.3K)
damn, i would be very curious to listen to one of these BLM fights
108 Posts (+4), 315 Cmts (+4)
Basically I said from the start "Idk if I fully support BLM" and my reasons were
And she was a typical human and got emotional about the convo; didn't care about my reasons, just cared about the fact that my overall stance was "not sure if I fully support" instead of "I support BLM because I support black people". In the end we had like 3 heated debates on it, in the last debate she finally understood my perspective and realized she was wrong the whole time. But softened it with "I still blame you 30% for explaining poorly.. and the rest... well I don't wanna take the rest of the blame..." and I let it go but brought it up the next day that she had an ego issue for saying that, and that's when she hung up and broke up with me saying the relationship isn't worth it to her because of all the negativity.
To be fair I've been thinking and realizing also that I got more beta as the relationship went on. As you know she was super sassy+testy from the start, and at the beginning I mostly dealt with that stuff by treating them like shit tests (teasing back, not taking it too seriously, etc). But as the relationship went on, in my head I assumed the tests would stop and we could just be normal with each other (which we could in a lot of ways). So e.g. at the end there when she said "I still blame you 30% and I don't wanna take the rest of the blame" I could've treated it lighthearted like "oh really? so I get the blame but you get none" with a smirk, but instead I brushed it off in the moment ("It's ok we don't have to quantify it, let's just move on and be happy we resolved this") and then brought it up the next day ("You do have a bit of an ego issue"). I'm realizing this because she brought up not too long ago that things she used to say in the beginning didn't bother me, but nowadays more things she says bother me. And didn't realize until now that it could be, I first got her by being alpha, and then I stopped being as alpha in the way I dealt with her shit tests, not recognizing them as things I could treat as shit tests.
I also told her a few days before the breakup that it "hurt me" that she'd considered breaking up over the BLM stuff, that it made me feel like she didn't value the rest of our relationship enough. Again the bluepill self assuming I could be authentic but in the end the dynamic got skewed with that beta side of me. Unfortunate because if I get super close to a girl like that, and feel I have a deep connection with her, it makes sense that it hurts if they would break up over something small like a political disagreement. But in the end it's not a healthy dynamic for the girl to want to break up over something stupid and the guy saying "it hurts that you would want to break up with me over that".
I knew we'd end sometime (she had pretty big personality flaws, like the above BLM retardedness) but figured we'd have a much longer relationship than we did. Still learning as I go. I know you say game stops when you fuck the chick but I do feel like betaness was at play here in the breakup, alongside other possible factors. Just a few days before the breakup she said "all I want is to live with you somewhere" and "please don't stop loving me, that'd be so sad" so it's not like she just wasn't into me enough, I don't think... Think I just may have flipped off the hypergamy switch